MUSIC IN:
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
GRANT: It’s called “Shroomsville” because some of the guys think these reeds look like little mushrooms.
MINA: Or they were on mushrooms.
(MARINES WALK INTO CLEARING)
GRANT: Hey!
BROOKS: You’re not supposed to be lighting fires out here. It’s against base rules. Let’s go, kids. Let’s go home. You too, miss. Let’s go! Last one out has to douse the fire.
(BROOKS PULLS ON LEG/ STUMBLES)
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
“FRAME-UP”
TONY: Ooh, yeah, baby! Come on. Oooh. Come on, come on. Oh, yikes.
ZIVA: I’m trying to concentrate.
TONY: That makes two of us, then, doesn’t it, Ziva?
ZIVA: Is it work-related?
TONY: Of course it’s work-related, Ziva.
MCGEE: (READS) Judge My Tush-dot-Com?
TONY: Hey, a little privacy here, Probie!
ZIVA: I give it a four.
MCGEE: Are you kidding? Four?!
ZIVA: Out of five, I think that’s good. Isn’t it?
MCGEE: Out of five.
TONY: What do you think about this one? Come on. Come on.
ZIVA: (OVERLAP) No. I will not get involved with this any further. Gibbs always seems to be just around the corner. No. No! No!
TONY: (OVERLAP) Come on. Give me a little here. Give me a little something. Come on! What do you think? Rate it.
ZIVA: Fine. A two.
TONY: A two??
MCGEE: Ha ha! `
TONY: A two?
GIBBS: What’s a two, DiNozzo?
TONY: I was just explaining the rules to Ziva, Boss.
GIBBS: And number two is what?
TONY: You know, I was a little fuzzy on two.
GIBBS: Grab your gear. We’re going to Quantico.
(TONY AND ZIVA BUMP INTO EACH OTHER)
TONY: Two.
ZIVA: I took three points off for excessive hair.
TONY: I don’t have – that’s a five.
ZIVA: (LAUGHS) If you shave.
TONY: Shave…
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS – DAY
BROOKS: Marines run tactics through these woods every day, Sir.
GIBBS: What time yesterday?
BROOKS: Nineteen hundred.
TONY: Ducky, where’s Jimmy?
DUCKY: Having a root canal. Allow me.
ZIVA: Thank you. (SFX: BRANCH WHIPS BACKWARDS)
MCGEE: Thank you.
DUCKY: Oh, watch your step.
ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) Toda. (Thank you.)
DUCKY: (IN HEBREW) Al lo davar. (You’re welcome) (IN ENGLISH) Oh, let me give you a hand.
ZIVA: No, no, no. It’s lovely that chivalry is not dead, Doctor. But in the Army, I swam three miles across the Red Sea after scaling rough cliffs without safety lines. I believe I can manage. Oh!
DUCKY: Ah! (F/X: ZIVA SLIPS ON THE ROCKS)
(SFX: WATER SPLASH)
DUCKY: How refreshing. An independent woman. (SFX: LAUGHTER)
CUT TO:
EXT. CLEARING – DAY
BROOKS: They were under this bush here, until I…uh… moved one to here.
GIBBS: The teenagers?
BROOKS: Said they never noticed the legs.
GIBBS: Tony, shoot. Ziva, bag and tag. McGee, samples.
MCGEE: Got it.
DUCKY: Well, I’m afraid a liver temp is out of the question.
GIBBS: Well, talk to me, Duck.
DUCKY: It’s very strange. The marbling on the skin indicates advanced decomposition. But the complete lack of insect activity on the moist area of the open thigh indicates a cessation of decay.
GIBBS: Any idea how long?
DUCKY: Well, the muscles have gone through all three stages of rigor mortis, so that gives us at least forty eight hours. But Jethro, the leg is in pristine condition, apparently untouched by air, water, soil or insect.
GIBBS: Frozen?
DUCKY: Mm-mm. No ice crystals.
GIBBS: Basement?
DUCKY: Well, if that’s the case, we are dealing with a dark soul…. one who kills, cuts and keeps.
(CAMERA ANGLE ON TONY AND ZIVA)
TONY: That’s trash.
ZIVA: I think I know what I’m doing by now.
TONY: Well, MREs and paint pellets say training area to me.
ZIVA: No one has ever been killed during training?
MCGEE: You know, my forensic instructor back at FLET-C – he once planted a pregnancy test at a crime scene to test us.
TONY: That’s nice, Probie. But in my years as an investigator, I’ve learned that trash indigenous to an area is not worth collecting.
ZIVA: What if because I did not bag and tag this trash, I happened to miss this? The finger of a rubber glove.
TONY: I didn’t say don’t look under indigenous stuff.
ZIVA: I think we’re almost done here, Gibbs.
GIBBS: No, I don’t think so. I want every paper, projectile, stomped-on leaf within a ten-foot radius of both legs.
(SFX: ZIVA GIGGLES)
CUT TO:
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM – DAY
JIMMY: I’ll bet Tony made some unseemly comment about these legs, didn’t he?
DUCKY: Why would he do that, Mister Palmer?
JIMMY: I just mean… knowing Tony… ah… they’re fairly shapely legs, Doctor.
DUCKY: Yes, nobody had the bad taste to verbalize such a thought until now. Now that you’ve come to mention it, they do look remarkably similar to Betty Grable’s.
JIMMY: Betty?
GIBBS: One of the all time pin-up gals in the Forties.
DUCKY: Yeah, great gams.
JIMMY: Gams?
DUCKY: Aren’t you a little young to remember Betty Grable, Jethro?
GIBBS: My dad had her painted on the nose of his P-Fifty-One, Duck.
JIMMY: A P-Fifty-One?
DUCKY: Up to Abby. Quick as you can.
JIMMY: Yes, Doctor.
GIBBS: What do we know about our Jane Doe?
DUCKY: She was young. Look at her femur here. It’s one of the last bones in the body to develop fully. In the female, growth is complete around age twenty five. I’d say our victim was between nineteen and twenty one.
GIBBS: I.D.?
DUCKY: Without a toe print database, I’m afraid we’ll just have to rely on good old DNA.
GIBBS: What about the splotch on her calf, Duck?
DUCKY: Blood. I’d say the assailant’s. It’s on it’s way up to Abby’s mass spectrometer.
GIBBS: Couldn’t be hers?
DUCKY: It could be. But she was dead long before she was dissected. Blood no longer pulsed through her veins, when, what I would guess was a surgical saw, severed her thighs from her torso. Look, see how my glove sticks here? Also headed up to the mass spectrometer. Yes, but take a look at this.
GIBBS: Skin’s been removed.
DUCKY: Yes. A meticulously cut circle.
GIBBS: Strange keepsake.
DUCKY: Actually, I think it was the killer trying to remove his marks.
GIBBS: Like all sex killers after Bundy?
DUCKY: Yes, after Theodore Bundy was identified and caught by his crooked lower teeth, sadistic biters have been forced to excise their evidence. You know, I think I might be able to get an impression of teeth from the underlying damaged tissue.
GIBBS: You could get me a bite mark?
DUCKY: Worth a try.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – DAY
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
JIMMY: I have some samples for Abby.
CHIP: Well, that’s convenient because I’m Abby’s assistant.
JIMMY: I just wanted to say hi. I haven’t seen her in a while.
CHIP: She’s really busy right now.
JIMMY: It’ll only take a minute.
CHIP: You haven’t been an assistant for very long, have you?
JIMMY: Longer than you.
CHIP: We’ll see about that.
JIMMY: That doesn’t make any sense, Chip.
CHIP: It’s Charles. Charles. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)
CUT TO:
INT. INNER LAB – DAY
ABBY: It’s an evidence showcase showdown, Chip. What do you prefer? Possible prints, sticky stuff, or name that blood?
CHIP: Uh… well, I aced serology. I was a dilettante with fingerprint identification… so …
ABBY: Name the sticky stuff for a hundred, Chip.
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
ZIVA: For a Caucasian female, a factor of two point nine oh is multiplied by the tibia length.
MCGEE: Okay, autopsy report says tibia is thirty eight point three four centimeters.
TONY: What are you doing?
MCGEE: We are calculating our Jane Doe’s probable height and weight.
TONY: Why didn’t you ask me?
ZIVA: Tony, these are complex equations we’re dealing with.
TONY: Whatever. She was what – five eight. So she’s like a hundred and twenty five, hundred twenty six pounds. (INTO PHONE) Hey…
MCGEE: Okay. One eleven point one eight six for adipose. Density of musculature…
ZIVA: Let’s add sixty one point five three.
MCGEE: One seventy two point seven two centimeters for height.
ZIVA: Ducky estimates fifty seven point zero eight kilograms in weight.
MCGEE: Converting to imperial… and we’re done. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)
ZIVA: She’s five foot eight.
MCGEE: One twenty five and a half pounds?
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hold on a second.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – NIGHT
ABBY: You’re grumbling.
CHIP: Well, I know. I can’t read Ziva’s writing.
ABBY: It looks perfectly clear to me. You’ve got to loosen up, Chip. Evidence is fun. Fun. You know, fun? Fun, Chip! You’re a tough case, Chip.
CHIP: Yeah, I know.
ABBY: Gibbs!! All this evidence and a CAFF-POW! Is it my birthday?
GIBBS: Pretend it’s mine.
ABBY: Okay, here’s what I have for you. The blood on the calf is different from the victim’s. I sent both off for processing. But here’s your real gift. I found a smudged print on the tip of the glove finger and clarified it into a partial print. Happy birthday.
GIBBS: Get a match?
ABBY: It’s running through AFIS now.
(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)
ABBY: Whoa.
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. ABBY’S LAB – NIGHT
TONY: I must have ripped a glove at the scene, Boss.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
TONY: Like I was saying, I must’ve ripped a glove at the crime scene sometime before yesterday.
GIBBS: When was the last time you worked a crime scene at Quantico?
TONY: Napalitano case, Boss.
ABBY: The computer only found three points from your fingerprint to the sample. Most prosecutors want eleven.
CHIP: Well, technically, Abby, the minimum to go to court is one. (BEAT) Well, I’m just saying that, you know, people have been convicted on less.
TONY: Well, that’s great, Chipper. Team player.
ABBY: I’m going to redo this by hand.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)
TONY: You set this up, didn’t you?
ZIVA: I would never….okay, maybe I would, but I didn’t.
ABBY: It matches Tony.
GIBBS: Put a rush on those blood samples.
ABBY: I did. But it’s a sixteen hour turnaround.
GIBBS: Make it twelve. (TO TONY) When’s the last time you were at the dentist?
(PASSAGE OF TIME)
TONY: (MUFFLED) Cooon’t yooo haaa uuuued my een-al ray-corss? (Couldn’t you have used my dental records?)
DUCKY: Hold still. This is far faster and more accurate than your x-rays.
TONY: You’re not known for your bedside manner, are you there, Duck?
DUCKY: You’re just upset that I didn’t have peppermint. McGee.
ABBY: Here’s Tony!
(F/X: COMPUTER IMAGES ON SCREEN)
ABBY: The program uses laser scans of three-D objects to create three-D images for comparison.
CHIP: Computer generated hollow volume overlay. Measures inter-tooth spacing, dental arch, tooth thickness.
TONY: All right, enough of the geek speak.
ABBY: Here’s Ducky’s muscle tissue scan. A little three-d magic for clarity. And I give you… the killer’s incisors. Next step… and don’t worry, Tony, the chances of even one of your teeth matching are like a hundred thousand to one.
GIBBS: Do it, Abby.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/IMAGES FLASH ON THE SCREEN)
(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)
CUT TO:
INT. SHEPARD’S OFFICE – DAY
SHEPARD: Jethro, I know DiNozzo didn’t do this. But I also know that it would be political suicide if we got caught investigating one of our own agents. Appearances matter, Jethro. In this world, sometimes more than facts. It could ruin the Agency. Look at Robert Novak and the CIA. You have a responsibility to your man, I know that. But I have a responsibility to the entire agency.
GIBBS: Jen…
SHEPARD: I’m not forgetting the time I stepped in it and you covered my ass until I could get out of it, but that was alone, undercover, and in the field. Half of NCIS already knows about this. I know what you have to do, Jethro, and I won’t stop you. But officially, I am suspending you from investigating this further, and I am turning it over to the FBI.
GIBBS: I know. One request.
SHEPARD: I’ll see that Fornell runs the investigation. I always could read your mind.
(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES)
GIBBS: Not always, Jen.
CUT TO:
EXT. LANDING – DAY
ABBY: Still waiting on Jane Doe’s DNA.
MCGEE: Corporal at Quantico said that there were no missing female dependents or U.A. Marines.
GIBBS: Try the base hospital.
ZIVA: I checked missing persons for Maryland, Virginia, and D.C. There were a few similar descriptions. Their DNA is headed over now.
GIBBS: David Brant.
BRANT: Gibbs.
GIBBS: I heard you were quitting.
BRANT: I like to refer to it as a lateral move into the recreational sector, Jethro.
GIBBS: I wish you luck with that.
ZIVA: Lateral move into the recreational sector?
GIBBS: Yeah, it mostly means fishing and hitting a golf ball. DiNozzo?
TONY: Yeah, Boss.
GIBBS: What are you doing?
TONY: Somebody’s setting me up.
GIBBS: Two surgically-removed legs dumped into a training area. Do you think?
TONY: Yeah, I was trying to think of arrestees with grudges.
ZIVA: Wouldn’t they all have grudges?
TONY: You see my dilemma.
MCGEE: Mike Macaluso?
GIBBS: He’s the Mafia boss Tony busted in Baltimore.
TONY: They get a little touchy when they think of you as family and you turn out to be a cop.
ABBY: What about that forensics dweeb that you got fired?
TONY: I didn’t arrest him, Abby.
ABBY: Yeah, but you really, really, really pissed him off.
MCGEE: Forensic tech set a killer free when he contaminated some blood samples. Tony reported him.
TONY: Good old George Stewart.
MCGEE: You know, maybe you should expand the list just to include people that just hate you.
TONY: Hate me? Nobody hates me.
MCGEE: Paula Cassidy?
TONY: Don’t go there. People like me. I’m a nice guy.
MCGEE: What about the woman who posted your picture on the herpes alert website?
TONY: Lieutenant Pam Kim.
ABBY: She so went Fatal Attraction on you.
TONY: Boiled the bunny.
MCGEE: Oh, don’t forget about Mrs. Dean.
ZIVA: Another girlfriend?
MCGEE: No, she threatened to cut off his… when Tony put her husband away for murdering his first wife.
ZIVA: Speaking about wives. What about your ex-girlfriend, Monica?
TONY: I always break up with them when I find out they’re married, Ziva. Okay, all right. Thank you all, but I think that’s enough.
ZIVA: The personnel in the evidence garage?
TONY: What about them?
ZIVA: They hate you.
MCGEE: She’s right. You never wait your turn to check in evidence.
ZIVA: And women don’t appreciate being called “baggie bunnies.”
GIBBS: They’re right, DiNozzo. Eight years. Three different forces.
TONY: That’s a lot of names and people to remember, Boss.
GIBBS: Ziva, take the women. McGee, you take the men. I’ll pull the case files of the ones DiNozzo put away who aren’t on the list.
TONY: Wait a minute, you never do anything.
(SFX: GIBBS SLAPS TONY)
TONY: Because you’re such a good delegator.
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
ABBY: Oh, this is not good.
(FORNELL AND THE AGENTS WALK INTO THE LAB)
FORNELL: Gibbs. DiNozzo. This is Special Agent Sacks.
GIBBS: He’s being framed.
FORNELL: I believe you. I’ve been there myself, Jethro. I’ll take care of him.
GIBBS: I know, but I want to be kept in the loop.
FORNELL: Oh, now I’m hurt. Are you saying you don’t trust me?
GIBBS: Whoever set this up, Tobias, is a pro. If this were to go to court right now, DiNozzo would not stand a chance.
FORNELL: Well, I’ve got to take him into custody for questioning. Or, I guess, we could question him here.
GIBBS: Tony, Fornell’s going to question you.
TONY: You mean interrogate me.
GIBBS: Question. Lie down.
SACKS: After we talk to Agent DiNozzo, we’ll need to requisition any evidence involved in the case.
(TONY/FORNELL WALK O.S.)
GIBBS: Are we covered on evidence?
MCGEE: I’ll just need a few hours to copy the data from Tony’s hard drive, cell phone and…
ABBY: I’ll make duplicates of all…
GIBBS: Have Ducky do the same.
ZIVA: What can I do?
GIBBS: Help. Help Abby. Help McGee. Help Ducky.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
SACKS: Where were you Tuesday night between oh nine hundred and oh three hundred the next morning?
TONY: Hm…. um…. um…. would that be Zulu time?
SACKS: Just run through your night.
TONY: Okay. (BEAT) Oh, out loud. Right. I worked until seven, went for a run, drove home. Spent the night alone. Which, I know, is unusual. But it was a school night, and I wanted to watch Magnum.
SACKS: What was it about?
TONY: Ah-ha. The old checking-the-plot ploy. You’re good, Agent Sacks. Very good. It’s my favorite Magnum. It’s the one where he finds himself adrift at sea after a boating accident and vividly relives his father’s death during the Korean War.
SACKS: I’m going to go out on a limb here. You think you were framed.
TONY: Now we’re getting somewhere.
SACKS: And who do you think it was who framed you?
TONY: Well, any one of a hundred people maybe. I have a list if you’re interested.
SACKS: Do you realize the kind of trouble you’re in here, DiNozzo?
TONY:
TONY: Oh, believe me. I do. Do you realize that you have an enormous clump of something green between your teeth? It’s right there. What is it about women? Is it the way they smell or the beguiling smiles? The whispers? The secrets?
(CONT.) The way they tip toe around in those little ridiculous shoes? And the way they fit their tiny little bodies into those tiny little outfits.
SACKS: You’re wasting my time.
(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
FORNELL: Take it easy.
SACKS: This guy is implicated in a homicide and he’s making jokes.
FORNELL: You’ve never worked with NCIS before, have you, Agent Sacks?
SACKS: A Federal Agent suspected of crimes doesn’t get special treatment in my book.
FORNELL: It’s getting late. We should collect the evidence.
SACKS: We have to arrest him, Fornell. Bite marks don’t lie, and this guy can’t stop.
FORNELL: I’ll think about it.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
(SFX: TONY BANGS RHYTHMICALLY ON THE TABLE)
(INTERCUT SCENES OF LAB EXPERIMENTS OVER RHYTHMIC BEATING B.G.)
CUT TO:
INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
FORNELL: The U.S. Attorney’s going to see this as a heinous crime, Jethro.
GIBBS: It is a heinous crime, Fornell. Tony didn’t do it.
FORNELL: Without an alibi, I’d be remiss if we didn’t detain him. People are going to think we’re orchestrating a cover-up.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
(DOOR OPENS)
TONY: Finally! How’d I do?
GIBBS: Fine.
TONY: Fine? I thought I was Oscar material.
GIBBS: Fornell’s not going to book you.
TONY: Uh-huh.
GIBBS: But he is going to take you into custody until we figure out a few things.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – NIGHT
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
GIBBS: Are you all right?
ABBY: I must have screwed up, Gibbs.
GIBBS: You didn’t screw up, Abs.
ABBY: And now I have all this evidence. Forensics. The thing that I love and I believe in. And it says Tony’s a murderer.
GIBBS: Tony’s not a murderer.
ABBY: I know he isn’t. But something’s gotta give. I mean, either the forensics are wrong or it’s bad forensics! Or… we have to save him, Gibbs.
GIBBS: We will.
ABBY: Because is this goes to court with his fingerprint and his bite mark on the leg, Tony’s going to prison for the rest of his life. And I’ll be the one that put him there.
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. DETENTION CENTER – DAY
TONY:
TONY: I smelled you coming, Boss. Pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese, right? My favorite. Thanks. I’ll save that for later. You know, I’ve been thinking. I’m a federal prosecutor’s dream. “You do tend to date a lot, don’t you, Mister DiNozzo?” “Yeah. I do tend to date a lot but where does it say that dating, you know, a new girl every week is a crime?” “No, it’s not. But it does speak to your deep-seated psychological problems and commitment issues.” “Really? So you’re saying my intimacy issues stem from my mother who dressed me as a sailor until I was ten years old?!” “Maybe! Well, I guess it might explain why you objectify women and treat them as sexual objects. While you’re being so forthright and insightful, Mister DiNozzo, why did you sink your teeth into the victim’s leg?” “Because I’m angry, and I’m immature and I like control!” “You have no alibi.” “Alibi? How can I have an alibi when the murder doesn’t even have a (CONT’G) time or a date?” “That’s interesting. What about means? Latex glove? Scalpel? You could have gotten these things from ….work. No?” “Right. Of course. Yes, I ripped a glove at the scene. It seems a little sloppy for a Federal agent who investigates crime scenes but, you know, those are the breaks when you’re a homicidal maniac dumping butchered women’s remains out in the woods in the middle of the night! Right?!” I’m not getting out of this one, am I, Boss?
(SFX: GIBBS HITS TONY)
TONY: Thank you, Boss.
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY (TYPING FX)
ZIVA: Mike Macaluso. Still in jail. My sources say, his family is very happy about it.
MCGEE: How is it you’ve been in this country only a couple months, and you already have sources?
ZIVA: Who says my sources are from this country, McGee?
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Yes, hi. Killed in prison? I’m very sorry for your loss. No, you’ll have to take that up with ICE. (TO GIBBS) Dead.
GIBBS: Where are we?
MCGEE: Head of my suspects list is George Stewart. The forensic tech Tony got fired from Baltimore P.D. Lost everything when Tony accused him of contaminating blood samples in oh-two.
GIBBS: Define everything.
MCGEE: Wife, house, kids. Fought the firing in court and he won but by then no one would hire him. Disappeared two years ago.
GIBBS: How’d he win?
MCGEE: Don’t know. George Stewart versus Baltimore P.D. was sealed.
GIBBS: Un-disappear him.
MCGEE: Right.
ZIVA: Lieutenant Pam Kim. Surgical nurse. Fully capable of slicing off the woman’s legs. Met Tony on the Jeremy Davison serial rapist case.
GIBBS: At Quantico.
MCGEE: She’s the one that egged Tony’s car.
ZIVA: Really?
GIBBS: Where is she now?
ZIVA: Virginia. Returned two weeks ago from a tour in Iraq. She’s on her honeymoon at the Greenbriar.
MCGEE: Who’d she marry?
ZIVA: Scott Sparks.
MCGEE: Boss, that’s the guy that she was engaged to when she met Tony.
GIBBS: Get her in here.
ZIVA: On it.
MCGEE: Uh…. Boss?
GIBBS: Uh-huh.
MCGEE: I was thinking, she’s… she’s on her honeymoon.
GIBBS: Yeah?
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
KIM: Ever heard of coitus interruptus, Special Agent Gibbs?
GIBBS: Nope.
KIM: Ever been on a honeymoon?
GIBBS: Yep.
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
KIM: (FILTERED) Then you know I feel.
MCGEE: You mean --
ZIVA: Flagrante delicto.
MCGEE: That’s…
ZIVA: Roman slang for what Tony calls badda-bing badda-boom.
KIM: (V.O./FILTERED) Being dragged…
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
KIM: ….Into NCIS for interrogation isn’t exactly the best way to start a marriage.
GIBBS: Is your husband the same guy you dumped for Tony DiNozzo last year?
KIM: Look, I had a fling with Tony and I regret every last minute of it.
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM – DAY
GIBBS: (FILTERED) Is that why you put him on the herpes website?
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
KIM: I got a little emotional.
GIBBS: A little emotional was egging his car. Putting him on the herpes website was…
KIM: Bitchy. I know.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
ZIVA: What does a woman accomplish by cracking eggs on a man’s car?
MCGEE: A lot of guys really care about their cars. It’s kind of like, “you break my heart, I’ll break yours” thing.
ZIVA: In Israel, we just shoot men who are untrue.
KIM: (V.O./FILTERED) Look.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
KIM: Tony could have turned me in when I was harassing him. He didn’t. If anything, I owe him.
GIBBS: When were you last at Quantico?
KIM: I’ve been on tour in Iraq for the last eight months.
GIBBS: That’s not my question.
KIM: I checked in with my Command ten days ago before I took leave to get married. Look, if someone brown-bagged Tony’s door or torched his car, it wasn’t me.
GIBBS: Does your husband know about Tony?
KIM: Of course he knows, but…
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM – DAY
KIM: (FILTERED) Scott’s a lawyer. If he has a problem with someone, he sues them. Not…
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
KIM: (ON CAMERA) Tony wasn’t murdered, was he?
GIBBS: No.
KIM: Then what is this about?
GIBBS: Lieutenant, you can return to your honeymoon, but if I need you…
KIM: We’ll be at the Greenbrier for another week. (BEAT) And next time, have your agent knock.
(DOOR CLOSES)
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM – DAY
(DOOR OPENS)
MCGEE: Boss, do you really not know what coitus interruptus means?
GIBBS: Better question. Do you know what it means if you haven’t located Stewart?
ZIVA: My father used to say… (IN HEBREW) Esh ktana sorefet harbe teerass.
GIBBS: Translate.
SHEPARD: A little fire burns a great deal of corn.
GIBBS: What?
SHEPARD: It never really made sense to me either.
ZIVA: It loses something in translation. Director.
SHEPARD: I saw Lieutenant Kim leave. She have an alibi?
GIBBS: No. She framed DiNozzo and I let her go.
SHEPARD: So George Stewart is…
GIBBS: He’s next on my list.
SHEPARD: You know, there’s no reason to be petulant, Jethro.
GIBBS: Hey, the word’s pissed, Jen. You know what? You can drop the Director act. We’re alone.
SHEPARD: You think my job is an act?
GIBBS: No, not all of it. Ass-kissing on the Hill is a skill.
SHEPARD: So is castration.
GIBBS: I wear a cup. (SHEPHARD HANDS GIBBS PAPER) What is this?
SHEPARD: George Stewart’s alias and work address. I managed to find it between kissing asses.
GIBBS: It just proves you should have stayed a field agent.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – DAY
CHIP: Ma'am? Abby?
ABBY: What?
CHIP: I think I found something that might help out Tony.
ABBY: Why didn’t you say so?
CHIP: Maybe not exonerate. But at least place someone else at the crime scene.
ABBY: What is it?
CHIP: You know the sticky substance found on the victim’s ankle?
ABBY: Yes.
CHIP: Well, I chemically and instrumentally examined it. The material is an adhesive. The same kind found in duct tape or carpet tape.
ABBY: How does this help Tony?
CHIP: Well, I discovered an anomaly in the adhesive material. A carpet fiber. I used the FTIS and the mass spec to determine its chemical composition. It’s a Dupont fiber for a Mustang.
ABBY: But Tony drives ….
CHIP: I know what Tony drives. But when I tested the stain resistance, it showed the fiber had a coating from a two thousand four Mustang. Tony’s Mustang is a sixty six. It couldn’t have been his car.
ABBY: We have to get a fiber from Tony’s car before it gets towed.
CHIP: Nice to have you back – Abby.
CUT TO:
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM – DAY
ZIVA: George Stewart? (DOOR OPENS)
GEORGE: Petrie. I changed it legally. No sailors here. (DOOR CLOSES)
GIBBS: Any Jane Does?
GEORGE: Always got a couple of them.
ZIVA: Could we see them?
GEORGE: I told you. No sailors here.
GIBBS: How do you know, if they’re Jane Does?
GEORGE: Look, what the hell do you two want?
GIBBS: To see your Jane Does.
GEORGE: Got a warrant?
GIBBS: No, do we need one?
GEORGE: Hell, yes. Now get out.
GIBBS: Tony DiNozzo.
GEORGE: What’d that bastard say about me now? I was exonerated!
GIBBS: How were you exonerated?
GEORGE: Fourth Circuit Court. It wasn’t me that messed up that blood test. I sent it out to a lab.
GIBBS: What’s the name of the lab?
GEORGE: Pemberton Medical Analysis.
ZIVA: Sure we can’t take a quick look around?
GEORGE: Not without a warrant! That’s what happened last time. Just a quick look around…. a few questions. Then I’m fired and my life is trashed. Now get out!
ZIVA: We’ll be back. With a warrant. (BEAT) Psst!
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – DAY
ABBY: Reasonable doubt can go a long way with a jury, Chip. If this is someone else’s carpet fiber that was on that duct tape….hello, frame-up.
CHIP: The bite make? I guess you could steal dental records, create your own mold. Make an impression on the leg.
ABBY: Keep going. Keep going.
CHIP: And the print from the glove. I mean, anyone could have pulled those gloves from our trash.
ABBY: Yes!
CHIP: Yeah, but how would anyone know which was Tony’s?
ABBY: Don’t blow it, Chip! You’re on a roll.
CHIP: Sorry.
(SFX: RAPID BEEP TONES)
ABBY: See what I mean?
CHIP: Uh, no.
ABBY: The carpet fibers match. Tony must’ve redone his carpeting. Never have a negative thought when you’re on a roll.
CHIP: It could have been worse.
ABBY: How?
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
FORNELL: The blood on the severed leg – DNA came back with a match.
GIBBS: It matched DiNozzo. (FORNELL NODS HIS HEAD)
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. LAB – DAY
ABBY: Ah! What are you doing?
MCGEE: I was trying to throw away your CAFF-POW.
ABBY: Why?
MCGEE: I bought you a fresh one while you were sleeping.
ABBY: Sleeping? I can’t sleep. I’ve got to save Tony. What time is it? Six a.m.? I lost two hours. I have been running Jane Doe’s DNA everywhere. She’s not in CODIS, the Armed Forces, the fertility clinics, rare disease databases.
MCGEE: Abby. Abby, it’s not your fault.
ABBY: Not my fault!? Someone’s using forensics to frame Tony and I’m letting him get away with it.
MCGEE: You’ll find something.
ABBY: How!? All the FBI left me was a speck of blood and a carpet fiber. I have to look at this from a new perspective. (BEAT) Your butt’s getting bony.
MCGEE: Bony? I’ll have you know that Ziva rated it a four out of five, okay?
ABBY: Bone marrow. There’s a national database for bone marrow donors! Why is Ziva rating your butt?
MCGEE: Tony started it.
ABBY: Don’t you blame Tony! He’s almost on death row right now!
MCGEE: No, no, no. Look, I….
(SFX: RAPID COMPUTER BEEP TONES)
ABBY: Jane Doe is Carla Johnson.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY
CARLA: You matched my DNA with a pair of disembodied legs? I’d fire whatever lab you’re using at NCIS, Agent Gibbs. I assure you they’re real and they’re mine.
GIBBS: Are you a bone marrow donor?
CARLA: I volunteered for bone marrow, organs, blood. I believe in sharing my good health. But I draw the line at body parts… at least until I’m dead.
ZIVA: We got the DNA match from a bone marrow database.
CARLA: I haven’t donated any bone marrow yet. I did give blood to an accident victim a couple of weeks ago. She died on the operating table.
ZIVA: Did she lose her legs?
CARLA: No. Her chest was crushed.
GIBBS: Where is her body now?
CARLA: Either at our morgue or the State’s. She was a Jane Doe.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – DAY
CHIP: I can’t believe the blood we DNA-tested was someone else’s from the transfusion. What are the odds of that?
ABBY: The same as this killer getting away with framing Tony.
CHIP: Well, the guy is a genius. You’ve got to give him that.
ABBY: Even genii make mistakes. I did.
CHIP: What was your mistake?
ABBY: Giving up on forensics when I should have looked deeper.
CHIP: We already processed that fiber.
ABBY: I know that, Chaz-zoid! But the killer picked up this fiber, took it to work, had it in his car, carried it to the woods. There has to be some sign of that guy on this fiber.
CHIP: Not if he wore gloves.
ABBY: Maybe the gloves have a different residue than NCIS gloves. Maybe he smokes a cigar. Maybe there’s cigar residue on the fiber.
CHIP: You’re testing for cigar smoke?
ABBY: For a second, I lost my faith in…. but now I know that forensics was just testing me. And I will rise up and I will find the man that did this to Tony and I will crucify him!
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY
ZIVA: Is it standard operating procedure for nurses to give transfusions?
CARLA: No. We were low on blood and I’m a universal donor. Identifying a pair of legs must be a first. Here it is. Jane Doe was transferred to the Virginia County Coroner’s office eight days ago.
GIBBS: Who signed for the body?
CUT TO:
INT. CORONER’S OFFICE – DAY
ZIVA: We have a warrant now.
GEORGE: For what? I didn’t do anything wrong!
ZIVA: No? I can think of at least two things. Framing an NCIS Agent for murder. And really, really, really pissing him off.
GIBBS: Open it.
ZIVA: I strongly recommend you do what he says.
(SFX: SLAP)
CUT TO:
INT. REFRIGERATOR – DAY
(DOOR OPENS)
ZIVA: This explains why Jane Doe’s legs were in pristine condition.
GEORGE: You think I cut off some girl’s legs?
ZIVA: Did you?
GEORGE: No. Why would I ever do such a thing?
ZIVA: I don’t know, but if you’re going to talk to me, please get a breath mint first. Please!
CUT TO:
INT. JAIL CELL – DAY
(SFX: MCGEE PLAYS THE HARMONICA)
TONY: Very funny, Probie.
MCGEE: Come on, Tony. It’s a gift.
TONY: From who? The baggie bunnies or Pam Kim?
MCGEE: No, actually it’s from Chip.
TONY: Great. Now I’m getting crap from lab monkeys.
MCGEE: Not for much longer.
TONY: I knew Boss would get me out of here. What did he find?
MCGEE: Well, hopefully the body that goes with those legs.
TONY: What do you mean hopefully, Probie?
MCGEE: Abby matched the legs that you severed…
TONY: (SHOUTS) I didn’t sever any legs!
MCGEE: Sorry, a slip of the tongue. The legs you supposedly severed were DNA matched to a Carla Johnson who, you are not going to believe this…
TONY: I’ll believe it if it gets me out of here.
MCGEE: She’s alive!
TONY: With no legs!
MCGEE: No, she’s got legs.
(TONY GRABS MCGEE THROUGH THE BARS)
MCGEE: Okay, Tony.
TONY: Prison changes a man.
MCGEE: Tony, come on, man.
CUT TO:
INT. REFRIGERATED ROOM – DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS LOOKS IN THE BODY BAGS)
GEORGE: He’s doing it to me again! That bastard DiNozzo set me up!
ZIVA: (OVERLAP) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
CUT TO:
INT. JAIL – DAY
(SFX: DOOR SLIDES OPEN)
TONY: I never thought I’d say this, but I am so happy to see you, Fornell!
FORNELL: That makes one of us, DiNozzo.
TONY: Ha! Never even got to do my Cool Hand Luke impersonation either. What we got here is a failure to communicate.
MCGEE: Never saw it.
TONY: Are you kidding me? Only the greatest chain gang movie of all time.
(SFX: FORNELL PLAYS THE HARMONICA B.G.)
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – DAY
CHIP: Oh, they’re throwing a little welcome back party for Agent DiNozzo upstairs.
ABBY: Go, Chip. I’m not finished here. There is no way that Stewart pulled this off by himself.
CHIP: Why not?
ABBY: Because I refuse to believe that some alcoholic M.E.’s assistant beat me at my own game.
CHIP: Abby, don’t you think you’re obsessing a little?
ABBY: You know what I found in the little fibers, Chippy? Sodium, chloride, potassium, black tape, urea.
CHIP: Sweat?
ABBY: Exactly. Should be able to pull DNA from that. I’ve also put a call into Pemberton Medical Analysis; the lab that fired Stewart. He’s probably after them, too.
CHIP: What can I do to help?
ABBY: Stay out of my way.
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – NIGHT
TONY: I didn’t doubt you for a second, Boss. Well, maybe one second.
GIBBS: No, don’t thank me. It was all Abby.
DUCKY: The poor girl hasn’t slept since this entire affair began.
TONY: Where is she?
ZIVA: She’s probably passed on by now.
MCGEE: The term is passed out.
ZIVA: Whatever. The girl is tired.
SHEPARD: I got the court records from Stewart’s case against Baltimore unsealed.
GIBBS: You’re a little late, Jen. Uh… I mean, thank you, Director.
SHEPARD: Better, Jethro.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – NIGHT
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) All I’m saying is that you might want to warn the person who actually made the mistake that got Stewart fired.
VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Now that--
(SFX: PHONE DISCONNECTS)
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Hello?
CHIP: It looks like we lost our connection, Abby.
ABBY: It was you! You worked at Pemberton Medical Analysis.
CHIP: Until I got fired!
ABBY: You took this job just to set up Tony?
CHIP: Yep. And I did a pretty good job at it, didn’t i? Didn’t I?
(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES/TONY AND CHIP)
CHIP: You know, I thought a fair trade would be taking down those two idiots who got me fired!! But you couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you?! Could you?!
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – NIGHT
(SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS)
(GIBBS RUNS FROM THE SQUAD ROOM)
SHEPARD: Jethro?
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – NIGHT
GIBBS: Abby! (SFX: CHIP’S MUFFLED SHOUTS B.G.)
ABBY: Now can I work alone?
(MUSIC OUT)
(ENDING CREDITS UP AND OUT)
* * * * * * * *
Prepared by C.C. Printed in USA
Calvert Continuities Aired 11/22/05
