14x04 – Love Boat
U.S.S. Hoover: Baxter's quarters
Betty Baxter: Jenn? Is everything all right? Are we at war?
Jennifer Baxter: Mom, we're off the East Coast of the United States. I hope not.
Betty Baxter: Well, then what are you doing?
Jennifer Baxter: Reporting for duty.
Betty Baxter: In the middle of the night?
Jennifer Baxter: Ships don't sleep.
Betty Baxter: In that case, I'll come with you.
Jennifer Baxter: Mom, please, don't.
Betty Baxter: That's the point of a Tiger cruise. A chance for friends and family to experience Navy life firsthand, right?
Jennifer Baxter: Technically... Yes. But we spent all day together yesterday, and we'll have all day today.
Betty Baxter: Exactly. The more time, the better... Unless you're trying to get rid of me to go see a boy.
Jennifer Baxter: Mom! What...
Betty Baxter: I know the Navy frowns upon that, but you have my blessing. As long as you spill all the details later.
Jennifer Baxter: I love you, Mom. Go back to sleep.
Betty Baxter: Well, at least tell his name.
Jennifer Baxter: Sure. Everyone calls him Elmer.
Betty Baxter: Is he at least an officer?
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U.S.S. Hoover: trash room
Jennifer Baxter: Morning, Elmer... So, I hope you don't mind, but I had to tell Mom about our love affair. I know. I'm the one who begged her to come on the Tiger cruise. But now what do I do with her?.. You're killing me, Elmer. Don't make me crawl in there.
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NCIS: squad room
Timothy McGee: Washington, D.C., is a place built by people who appreciate math, science and art.
Eleanor Bishop: Yeah, architectural geniuses.
Timothy McGee: Yes. And twice a year, that genius is highlighted when the sun sets perfectly behind the Washington Monument, so that the shadow's pinnacle is touching the front steps of the Capitol Building. It is perfect symmetry, perfect balance. Delilah and I are very much into mathematical symmetry, you know.
Eleanor Bishop: Yeah, you speak in binary. Now, are we almost at the good part where you actually propose?
Timothy McGee: Almost, almost, 'cause with the help of Abby's friend Ranger Rick...
Eleanor Bishop: Burt.
Timothy McGee: Delilah and I will take a private tour to the top of the Washington Monument, where the sun will be setting perfectly through the window. I will get down on one knee, open the box, and the light will hit the diamond, highlighting its perfect symmetrical cut. Then I pop the question.
Eleanor Bishop: You're gonna blind her?
Timothy McGee: What do you mean? That's good. Isn't that good?
Eleanor Bishop: It is incredibly nerdy. And... Perfect and... Delilah will love it.
Timothy McGee: Thank you.
Eleanor Bishop: Except...
Timothy McGee: What?
Eleanor Bishop: Well... If I'm not mistaken, the sun won't be in that position again until next year.
Nicholas Torres: Hmm, and who's the nerd?
Timothy McGee: March 25... So what?
Eleanor Bishop: That's six months away. I mean, I guarantee the location and circumstances don't matter that much. Back me up, Torres.
Nicholas Torres: Look, the biggest problem is keeping it a secret. Tim, you are sweating.
Timothy McGee: It's hot.
Eleanor Bishop: Oh, no, it's actually freezing.
Timothy McGee: Says the 90-pound thermostat.
Nicholas Torres: Ooh, he's edgy, too.
Eleanor Bishop: Yeah.
Timothy McGee: Sorry. It's... The ring. Ever since it got here, I'm acting like a different person.
Eleanor Bishop: Yeah, Gollum.
Nicholas Torres: Look, I've never met your girl, but I'm guessing she'll notice.
Timothy McGee: What do I do?
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Ask her. Or stop talking about it.
Alexandra Quinn: Ever the romantic.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Got a dead body on a destroyer. Quinn and I are in a helo out of Andrews.
Alexandra Quinn: You know, I spent a year as an agent afloat early in my career. It was amazing, but would any one of you rather go?
Timothy McGee: 24 hours of seasickness? No, thanks.
Eleanor Bishop: I'll pass.
Nicholas Torres: You know, they make medication for that.
James Palmer: Do they ever. I bought all nine different motion sickness remedies just in case.
Eleanor Bishop: Um, where's Ducky?
James Palmer: Oh, he's already seasick... He ate some bad shrimp last night. He got food poisoning. He...
Eleanor Bishop: Bye.
James Palmer: Oh...
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U.S.S. Hoover: hallway
Eleadora Rey: Hate the circumstances, but welcome aboard. Commander Eleadora Rey.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Special Agent Gibbs and Quinn. Assistant M.E. Palmer.
Eleadora Rey: Quinn... I knew an agent afloat by that name, long time ago.
Alexandra Quinn: Uh, oh. Did I arrest you?
Eleadora Rey: No. What was it the boys used to call you? The Heartbreaker?
Alexandra Quinn: Something like that.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Heartbreaker?
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U.S.S. Hoover: deck
Officer: Attention on deck!
Eleadora Rey: Carry on. So, this is a two-night cruise from Mayport to Norfolk. Scheduled to arrive tomorrow, but the Navy's looking for answers before then.
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U.S.S. Hoover: hallway
Alexandra Quinn: Before everyone gets off the ship?
Eleadora Rey: It's my job to worry about everyone while they're on the ship. In addition to a full crew, we got 63 civilian Tigers.
James Palmer: Excuse me, why do you call them "Tigers?"
Eleadora Rey: Oh, that's classified.
James Palmer: You serious about that?
Eleadora Rey: No, but the real answer would bore you. I'd prefer to keep this whole thing low-key. If word of a murder gets out...
Alexandra Quinn: It can get messy.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: You got an I.D. on the body?
Eleadora Rey: Took muster after we found the body, and the ship's nav failed to report. But we waited to move anything. It's like you said... Messy.
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U.S.S. Hoover: trash room
Alexandra Quinn: Blunt force trauma to the head?
James Palmer: Could be from an object or from the compactor itself, which is clearly very, very effective.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: I'm going with object.
Alexandra Quinn: Ooh. Huh. Looks like what they use to push the trash through the pulper.
James Palmer: If you guys are done photo-documenting, I can move the body now.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Yeah, do it. Commander?
Eleadora Rey: Lieutenant Vivian Mills, navigator.
Alexandra Quinn: She have family on board?
Announcer: Lieutenant Mills, please report to the wardroom. Lieutenant Mills to the wardroom.
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U.S.S. Hoover: hallway
Alexandra Quinn: Your Tiger is looking for you. Victim had one Tiger on board. A cousin... David Kemmons.
Eleadora Rey: Don't need to start a panic, so we're going to inform him quietly and privately. Understood?
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: We prefer it that way.
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U.S.S. Hoover: officers' wardroom
David Kemmons: Where's my cousin? What's going on?
Curt Shapiro: Everybody's been talking. Has there been a murder?
Alexandra Quinn: Ah. Word travels fast on a ship. I remember that now.
Merrick Gomer: Not just the ship. I mean, it's all over social media.
Curt Shapiro: The whole damn world knows.
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NCIS: Squad room
Eleanor Bishop: "On Navy cruise. People acting weird. A bunch of NCSI agents just got here. Has there been a murder? #SupportOurTroops, #MurderBoat."
Timothy McGee: It's a ship, murder ship.
Eleanor Bishop: Too late... Murder boat's already trending.
Nicholas Torres: Who's Kasey Powers?
Eleanor Bishop: The teen pop star? "Summer Scrubs"? "Boyfriend, Annoyfriend"?
Nicholas Torres: Girls are so angry.
Eleanor Bishop: Kasey was my spirit animal during my divorce.
Timothy McGee: Turns out she's on board the Hoover as part of a military goodwill tour. No concerts, just publicity.
Eleanor Bishop: KP has three million followers who are pretty mad that the shipboard Internet has now been disabled.
Nicholas Torres: Heaven forbid they wait on any facts.
Eleanor Bishop: Right. Ship's navigator, Lieutenant Vivian Mills was found dead in the ship's solid waste processing area.
Nicholas Torres: The trash room.
Eleanor Bishop: Spotless record, multiple commendations, model officer.
Nicholas Torres: Yeah, at first glance.
Eleanor Bishop: You have evidence otherwise?
Nicholas Torres: I got nothing, but nobody goes to the trash room for high tea.
Eleanor Bishop: She could've been involved in something illegal.
Nicholas Torres: Yeah. Everyone has a dark side.
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Timothy McGee: Hey, Ellie? I wanted to ask you something.
Eleanor Bishop: Please, do not practice on me.
Timothy McGee: What? No, I'm not gonna practice on you. Wait, I think that I've come up with a way to keep my engagement secret.
Eleanor Bishop: It involves me?
Timothy McGee: Look, we've established, firmly, that I cannot be around this ring without completely spoiling it, okay? So, until I propose, will you hang on to it for me?
Eleanor Bishop: For six months?
Timothy McGee: Out of sight, out of mind. Delilah won't find it, I won't be thinking about it.
Eleanor Bishop: But I'm having lunch with her tomorrow. It's already gonna be hard enough not to say anything.
Timothy McGee: No, it's gonna be fine.
Eleanor Bishop: What about Torres?
Nicholas Torres: Oh, I'm-I'm touched, but you two clearly have this nerd thing going on.
Timothy McGee: Eleanor Bishop... Can you please be my Frodo?
Nicholas Torres: See? That's just beautiful.
Timothy McGee: Thank you.
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U.S.S. Hoover: officers' wardroom
Alexandra Quinn: You and your cousin were close?
David Kemmons: We grew up in Maine together. She joined the Navy so she could travel the world. I stayed behind to teach college history. But, yeah, we kept in touch.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: When was the last time you saw the lieutenant?
David Kemmons: Last night, before I went to sleep in male berthing.
Alexandra Quinn: Have you been on a Navy ship before?
David Kemmons: This was my first time. Been bugging Vivian to sponsor me on a Tiger cruise for the past two years. She usually brings her dad, but... He passed last winter. And so, without any other family... She finally gave in. She could be pretty stubborn.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: You in male berthing all night?
David Kemmons: Yeah. Yes, uh... I... Is this an interrogation?
Alexandra Quinn: No. We're-we're just talking.
David Kemmons: He's not. I had nothing to do with this. Now, until you two can find my cousin's killer... I'd like to be left alone.
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U.S.S. Hoover: Trash room
James Palmer: Agent Quinn the Heartbreaker. Guess I shouldn't be surprised. She is a very handsome woman. It's just that agents are supposed to enforce policy, not break it. The Navy's stance on fraternization is quite clear.
Donald Mallard: Mr. Palmer.
James Palmer: They won't even allow spouses or significant others to go on overnight Tiger cruises.
Donald Mallard: Yes, I'm aware of that. But can we get back to the question at hand?
James Palmer: Oh, of course, Doctor. How is that food poisoning?
Donald Mallard: I meant the victim. Although, I'm feeling much better, thank you.
James Palmer: Right. Uh, Agent Gibbs is having me take the body and all the trash room evidence back to D.C....
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NCIS: Autopsy room
James Palmer: But we won't know any more until after the autopsy, of course.
Donald Mallard: Of course. However, there is the matter of the left arm. There appears to be something compacted into the flesh.
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U.S.S. Hoover: Trash room
James Palmer: Yeah. I can't tell what this is exactly, other than some sort of metal.
Donald Mallard: It's odd, considering her body was found in the paper goods machine.
James Palmer: I hadn't considered that.
Donald Mallard: Well, a ship's waste management system is very thorough.
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NCIS: Autopsy room
Donald Mallard: Plastic, metals, organic material... They're all separated into different machines.
James Palmer: Meaning that our body and our mystery metal here could have been dumped at the same time.
Donald Mallard: That's information Agent Gibbs would want sooner rather than later.
James Palmer: Yes, Doctor. Uh, except... It'd be way better if I could tell him what it actually is instead of just giving him a dumb look when he asks.
Abigael Scuito: And he will definitely ask.
Donald Mallard: Abigail. Is everything all right?
Abigael Scuito: I don't know. You tell me. You should not come to work when you're sick.
Donald Mallard: I had food poisoning, not the flu.
Abigael Scuito: Really? Swab and prove it.
Donald Mallard: I'm busy.
Abigael Scuito: I know. And I can help. Hi, Jimmy.
James Palmer: Hey, Abby.
Abigael Scuito: So, I have been studying these crime scene photos, and it appears that our mystery metal is an antenna, like for a remote control.
James Palmer: A remote control for what?
Abigael Scuito: Well, I can't possibly know that. Yet.
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U.S.S. Hoover: officers' wardroom
Alexandra Quinn: Mr. Gomer, you were seen out of your rack last night.
Merrick Gomer: Yes... It's kind of embarrassing.
Alexandra Quinn: Why?
Merrick Gomer: I kept having to call Ralph on the big white phone.
Alexandra Quinn: You were seasick?
Merrick Gomer: Yeah. I mean, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet on the last one. I mean, doesn't even... Even work now, if you need proof. No, that's all right. Yeah, I cleaned it.
Alexandra Quinn: I'm good.
Merrick Gomer: All right.
Alexandra Quinn: Cute kid though.
Merrick Gomer: Yeah. Listen, um... Could you not tell my Navy buddy that I got sick? You know, we're not that close, and, you know, he's only letting me mooch a free ride if I promise not to embarrass him.
Alexandra Quinn: I thought Tigers had to pay.
Merrick Gomer: Sure, but, I mean, two nights of travel? I mean, you factor in gas, food and hotel, I mean... This is a steal.
Alexandra Quinn: God bless the Navy.
Merrick Gomer: I know, right?
Alexandra Quinn: Uh-huh.
Merrick Gomer: Yeah.
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U.S.S. Hoover: officers' wardroom
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Petty Officer Brown, you're in navigation?
Tyrell Brown: Yes, sir. I worked under Lieutenant Mills. Strict. Hard worker. But she just joined the ship, sir.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: What does that mean?
Tyrell Brown: I didn't know her personally, sir. None of us did.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: You know, you can relax, Petty Officer. You like to sit down?
Tyrell Brown: No, sir. Thank you, sir... JaVale! This is the officers' wardroom.
JaVale Brown: Yeah. It's real fancy.
Tyrell Brown: Show some respect.
JaVale Brown: Man, you're the one that wanted me on this damn murder boat in the first place. Oh, wait, don't say it. Murder ship.
Tyrell Brown: I'm sorry, sir. Just trying to set a good example for my little brother. It's not working.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: It will... Thanks, Petty Officer.
Tyrell Brown: Get up. Now. Let's go.
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U.S.S. Hoover: officers' wardroom
Alexandra Quinn: Well, how's this for suspect triage? There's only, I don't know, a hundred more to go.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Yeah. Nobody knows anything.
Alexandra Quinn: No. Just one big happy family.
Curt Shapiro: Get the hell away from me!
Wayne Cribbage: Whoa, whoa. Take it easy.
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U.S.S. Hoover: hallway
Curt Shapiro: Stop following me, and stay away from my client!
Wayne Cribbage: Whoa, whoa.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: There a problem?
Curt Shapiro: No problem.
Alexandra Quinn: It certainly sounds like one, Mr....?
Curt Shapiro: Curt Shapiro. I'm Miss Powers' press agent. I'm in charge of her goodwill tour. I was just fending off the bloodsuckers.
Wayne Cribbage: I was trying to get an autograph for my nine-year-old daughter.
Alexandra Quinn: Yeah, those soccer dads can be so dangerous.
Curt Shapiro: You give one dog a bone, you'll end up feeding the whole kennel.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: So much for goodwill.
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James Palmer: Oh, there you are. Oh, this ship is big, huh?
Alexandra Quinn: Yeah. Is there a problem, Jimmy?
James Palmer: No. Oh, actually, uh, yeah, maybe. Uh, the C.O. radioed down to the crime scene. She's looking for you, Agent Gibbs... Said you're needed in the maintenance bay.
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U.S.S. Hoover: maintenance bay
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Commander.
Eleadora Rey: Agent Gibbs, I don't like problems on my ship. So lucky for you, I found the solution.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Muster list.
Eleadora Rey: While all crew were accounted for after the muster drill, we just found an error in the Tiger count.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: 62. We're down a man... Stewart Baxter.
Eleadora Rey: I think we just I.D.'d your killer.
Jennifer Baxter: Seaman Baxter reporting, ma'am.
Eleadora Rey: Seaman, where the hell is your brother?
Jennifer Baxter: Ma'am?
Eleadora Rey: You sponsored two Tigers... Mother and brother. Where is Stewart?
Jennifer Baxter: He called just before we left port to say he had car trouble. I gave him hell, but... Ma'am, he never boarded the ship.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Someone signed in. Which means we have another problem.
Eleadora Rey: Yeah. An imposter.
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U.S.S. Hoover: deck
Jennifer Baxter: Yeah, well, I hope you're flexible, because you can kiss your ass good-bye when I get done with you. You already caused me problems, Stewart, so just get there... My brother says he doesn't know who signed on the ship as him. But he was headed up to meet me and my mom in Norfolk, so getting to NCIS headquarters won't be a problem.
Alexandra Quinn: He's gonna keep his phone on?
Jennifer Baxter: Yes. And if he doesn't answer all of their questions, you have my permission to shoot him.
Alexandra Quinn: Mm.
Jennifer Baxter: It'll be a mercy killing... Not like this job wasn't hard enough before, you know?
Alexandra Quinn: I do, actually. I spent a year as the lone NCIS agent on a floating city of 5,000.
Jennifer Baxter: So how do I convince my shipmates that I had nothing to do with this?
Alexandra Quinn: You leave that to us. We have search crews all over the ship. You just keep doing what you're doing.
Jennifer Baxter: My job?
Alexandra Quinn: Yes.
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NCIS: squad room
Eleanor Bishop: Closet safe.
Timothy McGee: Uh, that's predictable.
Eleanor Bishop: Bank box?
Timothy McGee: Impersonal.
Eleanor Bishop: Under the mattress.
Timothy McGee: No.
Eleanor Bishop: Look, if you don't like what I'm coming up with, then... Take the ring back.
Timothy McGee: I can't take the ring back. The fact that the ring isn't in my house is the reason I slept like a baby last night, okay? I had no cold sweats, I had no nightmares...
Delilah Fielding: You've been having nightmares?
Timothy McGee: Uh, no. Uh, I mean, yes. Not about you though.
Delilah Fielding: Why would they be about me?
Eleanor Bishop: Uh, he didn't want you to worry. Sweetie that he is.
Timothy McGee: What are you doing here, hon?
Eleanor Bishop: I told you Delilah was coming by.
Timothy McGee: Oh, that's right, that's right. You guys are having lunch. I'm sorry, I forgot.
Delilah Fielding: You can come if you want to.
Timothy McGee: Oh, no. No, no, that's okay. I can't... Really come, not today. Or ever. Food allergies.
Delilah Fielding: Is everything okay?
Nicholas Torres: Hey, Abby found a clue. Check this out... Watch it land.
Timothy McGee: I didn't know you could fly drones.
Eleanor Bishop: Yeah, it seems a little nerdy for you.
Nicholas Torres: Obviously, you've never seen an illegal street race.
Delilah Fielding: Wait, with drones?
Nicholas Torres: Oh, yeah. The first time I saw it was in the Buenos Aires underground. They're not as big as cars, but they're faster and way more violent. Hi... Nick Torres.
Delilah Fielding: Hi. Delilah Fielding.
Nicholas Torres: Nice to meet you. So that remote control that was compacted into our dead body belonged to a consumer drone.
Eleanor Bishop: This exact drone?
Nicholas Torres: No, no. The Navy yard security confiscated this one a week ago. But apparently, NCIS has been having issues with these.
Timothy McGee: Yeah, yeah. We had a report last month about a drone over the shipyard in Maine.
Delilah Fielding: D.O.D. has the same issue across the world. The fear is they're being used for surveillance or smuggling.
Nicholas Torres: What's one doing on our Tiger cruise?
Timothy McGee: I'm gonna call Gibbs. Thanks, Nick.
Delilah Fielding: Tim, your desk phone is right... Here.
Eleanor Bishop: Shall we?
Delilah Fielding: Sure.
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U.S.S. Hoover: officers' wardroom
Alexandra Quinn: Deal you in?
David Kemmons: Shouldn't you be searching the ship for whoever killed my cousin?
Alexandra Quinn: We are. This just helps me think... You from Maine?
David Kemmons: Derry.
Alexandra Quinn: Is that by the, uh, the shipyard up there?
David Kemmons: Uh, not really.
Alexandra Quinn: Hmm.
David Kemmons: You know, you're a lot more relaxed than your partner.
Alexandra Quinn: He's off his meds... So, you're into drones. Hmm? Relax. I was looking at the faculty Web site. It's in your bio.
David Kemmons: Right. Yeah, I... like gadgets.
Alexandra Quinn: You bring one on the ship?
David Kemmons: No.
Alexandra Quinn: Did Vivian?
David Kemmons: I take it back... You're worse than your partner. At least he didn't lie about interrogating me.
Alexandra Quinn: Queen of hearts.
David Kemmons: What?
Alexandra Quinn: That was my nickname. 'Cause I used to play cards every day in the mess. I thought it was a good way to get to know someone without all the pressure. Unless we were playing for cash, then...
David Kemmons: Why are you telling me all this?
Alexandra Quinn: To prove I don't lie. And this wasn't an interrogation until you just made it one. So now instead of a friendly conversation, I'm gonna have to ask you some cold questions.
David Kemmons: No... I want a lawyer.
Alexandra Quinn: Mm... That's too bad. You beat me.
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NCIS: garage
Abigael Scuito: So, is drone street racing, like, a real thing?
Nicholas Torres: No idea. But McGee owes me big.
Abigael Scuito: So, how did you expertly fly a drone?
Nicholas Torres: I'm athletic? Hey, by the way, uh, Stewart Baxter is upstairs waiting on his car.
Abigael Scuito: I'm almost done.
Nicholas Torres: You know, they stopped Stewie at the front gate when he realized he didn't have his driver's license. Claims it must have been stolen.
Abigael Scuito: That explains how our imposter got on the ship.
Nicholas Torres: Yeah, normally, I wouldn't believe the guy, but... He seems real afraid of his little sister.
Abigael Scuito: So, he says he missed the Tiger cruise because he had to get his radiator replaced?
Nicholas Torres: Yeah. And his Navy sis doesn't believe him. Do we?
Abigael Scuito: Yes... And no... Whoever told him that they replaced the radiator on his car, they lied. This is just, like, a cheapo fix-it job. But because they left the old radiator in place, I can see the damage.
Nicholas Torres: So the car trouble was real?
Abigael Scuito: Oh, yeah. It's more than real. The puncture holes in the radiator, they're perfect circles. Like, exactly the same size as a screwdriver.
Nicholas Torres: So it's sabotage.
Nicholas Torres: Someone purposely made sure he did not get on the U.S.S. Hoover.
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U.S.S. Hoover: hallway
JaVale Brown: Y-Yo, Ty! Which way out?
Tyrell Brown: What are you doing?
JaVale Brown: They said to start packing. We're "moving port," or something.
JaVale Brown: We still got to get through the channel. A ship this big can't exactly do it fast and dirty. It'll be a while.
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U.S.S. Hoover: hallway
Curt Shapiro: Don't say anything, Kasey.
Kasey Powers: I can speak for myself.
Curt Shapiro: I told these cops everything we know, which is nothing.
Alexandra Quinn: I asked to speak to Miss Powers.
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U.S.S. Hoover: Powers's quarters
Curt Shapiro: And here she is. And silent she will stay. I'm also her lawyer.
Alexandra Quinn: Double the commission.
Kasey Powers: Curt, can we...
Curt Shapiro: She sent that tweet as a joke. She didn't see anything, she doesn't know anything.
Kasey Powers: I'm really sorry. If I had known that someone was actually dead...
Curt Shapiro: All right, that's enough. Unless you have reason to implicate my client, we're done.
Alexandra Quinn: You'll be the first to know. Big fan.
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U.S.S. Hoover: hallway
Alexandra Quinn: I like your jacket.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: You get more than fashion tips?
Alexandra Quinn: Yeah. Claustrophobia.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: I thought you liked being afloat.
Alexandra Quinn: Well, the carrier was bigger, and I didn't have to deal with a murder.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Search team.
Alexandra Quinn: Yeah, okay. On every deck looking for anything that could have been smuggled on board by a drone. But nothing yet.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Imposter.
Alexandra Quinn: Uh, same. While not as big as the carrier I was on, it's still as big as a city block.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Yeah, but we don't have that kind of time.
Alexandra Quinn: Well, we could ask for some more.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: You ask. Your turn.
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U.S.S. Hoover: command center
Officer: Captain, pilot tender's on approach, port side.
Eleadora Rey: Explain to me why I should sail this ship around in a circle, putting everybody at greater risk.
Alexandra Quinn: Ma'am, listen, if we just had more time...
Eleadora Rey: This is not one of your card games. The safety of my crew, their friends and their families is my only priority. And I want them into the safety of that harbor ASAP. There's a killer on board.
Alexandra Quinn: Yes, and we've caught him... Just in a really big mousetrap. And if we dock, you're giving the mouse exactly what he wants.
Eleadora Rey: Which is?
Alexandra Quinn: A way off. I... Look, the closer we get to land, the more options he has.
Radio: U.S.S. Hoover, you are cleared to enter the channel on approach to Naval Station Norfolk. You are currently fourth in line.
Eleadora Rey: Copy that. Thank you.
Alexandra Quinn: Please, just another 24 hours.
Eleadora Rey: You have two. Norfolk, we're coming home.
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NCIS: autopsy room
Donald Mallard: Blunt force trauma to the head. It matches the size and shape of that pistol.
James Palmer: So someone confronts our victim in the trash room, hits her over the head, and then... Dumps the body.
Donald Mallard: The brain swells, eventually causing death.
James Palmer: The body is then accidentally compacted on top of a drone remote control, which may or may not be connected to the murder, which may or may not be connected to an imposter, who is now somehow missing on board the ship. But let's be honest... It's probably all connected.
Donald Mallard: You're coming dangerously close to conjecture, Mr. Palmer. Which we leave to others.
James Palmer: Yes, Doctor.
Donald Mallard: Don't let your time on that ship go to your head.
James Palmer: It already did.
Donald Mallard: How so?
James Palmer: The helicopter ride home. I was supposed to take that motion sickness medication 30 minutes prior to liftoff, but... I was so wrapped up in the case, I... I forgot... Doctor, I threw up. All over the evidence bags that Gibbs sent with me. I'm so sorry. I embarrassed you. I embarrassed this whole office.
Donald Mallard: Far from it. Not withstanding our respective vomit, Mr. Palmer, we continue to do our jobs. That's all anyone can ask of us.
James Palmer: Well, thank you, Doctor. With that in mind, I'm going to go take the victim's personal effects up to Abby.
Donald Mallard: Yes, I'd take them up myself, but she still thinks I'm sick, despite the fact that I have kept dry toast down for 24 hours. Did we miss something?
James Palmer: The victim's necklace. I didn't notice it when I removed it, but... There's an inscription on the back. "Time with you is never wasted." Must be a family heirloom.
Donald Mallard: Now it's a reminder of a young life cut short.
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NCIS: Abby's lab
Abigael Scuito: I will get whoever did this.
Timothy McGee: It was probably Gibbs. You know he likes to be thorough at crime scenes.
Abigael Scuito: No, no, no, it's not the garbage, it was the puke that was on the garbage.
Timothy McGee: Uh, ew.
Abigael Scuito: Yeah. Jimmy said it wasn't him, but who else do you know that eats graham crackers and cottage cheese?
Timothy McGee: That why you called me down here?
Abigael Scuito: No... I wanted to tell you that Bishop showed me the ring.
Timothy McGee: Oh, good. What'd you think? How'd I do?
Abigael Scuito: Are you kidding me? It is... Perfect. And so is your D.C. solar-symmetrical proposal. You're so romantic.
Timothy McGee: Thanks. Thanks, Abbs. So, is that it, then?
Abigael Scuito: Oh, you know me better than that.
Timothy McGee: What do you got, Abbs?
Abigael Scuito: I have sifted through much trash in my tenure, but I have never sifted through these babies. Birthed from a plastic processor.
Timothy McGee: All plastic is separated, compacted and transported to the base for recycling.
Abigael Scuito: Yep. Except one disk had more than plastic in it.
Timothy McGee: It's our missing drone. It's been in the trash the whole time.
Abigael Scuito: It was just in a different trash bin than our dead body. It's beyond repair, but that didn't stop me from harvesting its organs.
Timothy McGee: Tell me it had a camera.
Abigael Scuito: It had a camera. And it's detachable, meaning that you can detach it and use it to walk around the ship.
Timothy McGee: Lot of cameras on the Tiger cruise.
Abigael Scuito: There are. But this one was used...
Timothy McGee: In a restricted area.
Abigael Scuito: Yep.
Timothy McGee: Well, why? How'd they get access?
Abigael Scuito: Keep watching. It's one of the perks of being famous. VIP access.
----------
U.S.S. Hoover: Powers's quarters
Curt Shapiro: What the hell? You just can't barge in here.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: We just did.
Curt Shapiro: This is a private room!
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: There's no such thing in the Navy.
Curt Shapiro: What's going on?
Alexandra Quinn: Well, you wanted to know when we had probable cause. Guess what.
----------
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: You were in a restricted area.
Curt Shapiro: Don't say anything, Kasey.
Kasey Powers: Enough, Curt.
Curt Shapiro: Stop talking.
Alexandra Quinn: Why won't you let her speak? What are you two hiding?
Kasey Powers: I have polyps... On my vocal cords... Curt is actually looking out for me. I had surgery on them last week, and I can't sing for the next few months.
Alexandra Quinn: Hence the goodwill tour.
Kasey Powers: My idea. Why stay cooped up when I can be raising awareness for the military? My grandfather was in the Navy. And... "Murder boat" aside, the response has been huge.
Curt Shapiro: If you insist on talking, maybe just... Whisper.
Kasey Powers: The Navy wanted us in those areas so I could talk about it on social media. Millennial recruits love touchscreens and gizmos. But anything that was sensitive was turned off or removed before we went in.
Curt Shapiro: We weren't the ones filming. There were other Tigers in that tour group.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Who was with you?
Curt Shapiro: I didn't take attendance.
----------
NCIS: Squad room
Nicholas Torres: Hey, would you ask Superman to do your taxes?
Eleanor Bishop: Um...
Nicholas Torres: Or LeBron James to babysit your kid? Would you do that?
Eleanor Bishop: Yeah, I bet he's good with kids.
Nicholas Torres: You do understand my point, right?
Eleanor Bishop: No. Does it have something to do with why you're using McGee's computer?
Nicholas Torres: Yeah. He asked me to input the names from the ship's manifest into the system. So if anything pops up, then we get an alert.
Eleanor Bishop: Oh. That's a good idea.
Nicholas Torres: Yeah, it's a fantastic idea, except it's a misusage of my superpowers.
Eleanor Bishop: Which are...?
Nicholas Torres: Kicking down doors, breaking through windows... The tango.
Eleanor Bishop: Oh. Of course.
Nicholas Torres: First I'm flying a drone, and now I am typing. McGee's ring is giving him nightmares and is turning me into a... Geek.
Eleanor Bishop: Well, you're not gonna like my master plan for it.
Nicholas Torres: Oh, no, Bishop. You're not keeping that ring here.
Eleanor Bishop: I am gonna keep it here.
Nicholas Torres: Oh, come on.
Eleanor Bishop: Locked in a desk drawer.
Nicholas Torres: McGee's not gonna like that.
Eleanor Bishop: This is a secure federal building, swarming with vetted agents. What better way to keep it secret? To keep it safe. Hmm?
Timothy McGee: No, no, no, you can't keep the ring in here. Are you crazy?
Eleanor Bishop: It will be out of sight, out of mind.
Timothy McGee: Out of mind? I've broken into this desk a million times before; that's not safe. With Kate and Ziva before, obviously. Not with you.
Eleanor Bishop: Can we discuss this?
Timothy McGee: No. We have a lead right now. It's actually yours, Torres. Do you want to put it up, or...
Nicholas Torres: Oh, hell no. You do you, boo-boo.
Timothy McGee: Following up on Stewart Baxter's stolen driver's license, I requested security footage from his gym the night he had car trouble.
Eleanor Bishop: That's our driver's license thief.
Timothy McGee: And his face is in our system.
Nicholas Torres: Who the hell is Wayne Cribbage?
----------
U.S.S. Hoover: hallway
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Hey. That our BOLO?
Alexandra Quinn: Copies are being distributed all over the ship. It's the dad we saw asking for an autograph.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Not our dad... An imposter.
Alexandra Quinn: Yeah, he has a history of trespassing and aggravated assault. Still doesn't give us a motive for murder.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Let's find him and ask.
Alexandra Quinn: What, did we win a prize?
Announcer: Man overboard, man overboard, starboard side.
----------
U.S.S. Hoover: deck
Eleadora Rey: Sweep that lamp aft! Contact Port Authority, get that boat moving!
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Commander!
Eleadora Rey: Two petty officers saw a man jump, then lost him in the dark.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Mid-30s, small build?
Eleadora Rey: Could be.
Alexandra Quinn: Cribbage is on the run.
Eleadora Rey: We're almost to the pier, he can make it to land.
Alexandra Quinn: Which means he can get away.
----------
U.S.S. Hoover
Curt Shapiro: What's going on now?
Eleadora Rey: Just to be clear, I wasn't wrong so much as you were right. But base security has been alerted. They'll find your man.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: We'd rather we did, Commander.
Alexandra Quinn: Call it the house advantage.
Eleadora Rey: There's a search helo about to take off. You better hurry.
----------
U.S.S. Hoover: deck
JaVale Brown: Whoa! Yo, Ty, man, this thing ain't no joke!
Tyrell Brown: Where'd you get that hardhat? Get to the muster station.
JaVale Brown: And miss watching you bust heads in that thing? Yo, man, you didn't tell me you guys had all this stuff... Yo, this Tiger cruise is lit, son!
----------
Harbor
Wyane Cribbage: Yes! Yes!
Alexandra Quinn: Freeze! NCIS!
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Put your hands up.
Wyane Cribbage: No! No.
----------
NCIS: interview room
Alexandra Quinn: So, why don't you tell us why you boarded the ship as Stewart Baxter and filmed classified areas.
Wyane Cribbage: I didn't... I mean, I did. I did. But that's not why I did it. It's not like I was trying to sell Navy secrets or anything.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: What's so funny?
Wyane Cribbage: Nothing. Uh, I'm cold.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: You illegally boarded a Navy vessel, and you killed a decorated officer.
Wyane Cribbage: I didn't kill anybody.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: That's a long swim for an innocent man.
Wyane Cribbage: I'm not innocent. Of the imposter stuff. Stewart worked out at my gym. Heard him bragging about the Tiger cruise, so I... I messed with his car, I took his I.D., but I didn't do it for evil purposes.
Alexandra Quinn: Oh, you broke the law for what, charity?
Wyane Cribbage: Photographs. And exclusive video of Kasey freakin' Powers.
Alexandra Quinn: You're a paparazzo?
Wyane Cribbage: Most people don't know the singular noun. Usually, I got to fight 20 other media outlets for a shot. Okay? But on that ship, it would've just been me. Could've been worth ten grand. And... If I could've got an aerial drone shot as we were getting off in Norfolk... Hello! Iconic!
Alexandra Quinn: "Art" is not an alibi.
Wyane Cribbage: I'm using the trash room to attach the camera to the drone for my big finale. FYI... There is zero privacy on these Navy ships. I heard some people coming, so I-I tossed the stuff and I hid.
Alexandra Quinn: You tossed your stuff in the trash?
Wyane Cribbage: I panicked. I was gonna come back for it, but this... Man and woman came in arguing.
Alexandra Quinn: What were they arguing about?
Wyane Cribbage: I didn't catch that. I'm a photographer, not a journalist, so...
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: So you saw the murder?
Wyane Cribbage: Yes. Okay? The fight escalated. The man hit the woman with... A thing. And then he dumped her body.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: And you saw his face?
Alexandra Quinn: No, he didn't catch that.
Wyane Cribbage: See? This is why I didn't want to come forward. As soon as the killer left the room, I got the hell out of there. All my images were on that camera. I lost everything. I didn't even get an autograph.
----------
NCIS: Squad room
Eleanor Bishop: If he's not our murderer, we're still missing something.
Alexandra Quinn: Yeah, a big something.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: You think? Look... There's five agents here! Somebody give me something.
Nicholas Torres: McGee for the save?
Timothy McGee: Depends. Did you guys talk to a Merrick Gomer on the ship?
Alexandra Quinn: We spoke to a lot of people. Why?
Timothy McGee: Restraining order just appeared in the system, citing his alcohol abuse and domestic violence.
Alexandra Quinn: That's the mooch. He was using a clueless Navy buddy to hitch a ride to Norfolk.
Timothy McGee: Where his ex-wife and six-year-old son live on base. She's a Navy lieutenant and the one who filed the order three days ago, boss.
Eleanor Bishop: Security would never let Gomer through the front gate if it was official record.
Nicholas Torres: He's using the Tiger cruise as a back door.
Alexandra Quinn: Hoover already docked. Gomer's already off that ship.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: All right, let's go.
----------
Park
Kirstin Hoyle: Are you sure this is okay? When Brock's mom went to work, she didn't say anything about you coming to pick him up.
Merrick Gomer: I talked to her before we went to the house. It's no problem.
Brock Gomer: Dad, where are we going?
Merrick Gomer: Oh, on a trip, buddy.
Brock Gomer: Where?
Merrick Gomer: It's a surprise.
Kirstin Hoyle: I'm gonna have to call her, okay?
Merrick Gomer: Sure. That's fine. All right, Brock, we got to hurry.
----------
Car
Brock Gomer: Is it the zoo? Or Busch Gardens?
Merrick Gomer: We'll see, buddy.
Brock Gomer: It must be something really special.
Merrick Gomer: Sure is.
Brock Gomer: Is it Disney World?
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: No. Not Disney World. You're done, Merrick. It's over... No, you don't want to do that... Not like this. Not in front of him... Is your name Brock?
Brock Gomer: Yes.
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Hey, Brock. I'm Agent Gibbs. I'm gonna talk to your dad for a minute.
Merrick Gomer: Can you stop talking to my son?
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: He missed you, Brock. That's why he picked you up this morning. He was afraid he wasn't gonna get a chance to see you again. Which is why he's gonna come with me right now, to make sure that he has a chance to see you after this... Put your hands on the wheel.
Merrick Gomer: I love you, buddy. All right? You remember that, okay?
Leroy Jehtro Gibbs: Out of the car... So, Brock... Your mom's coming to get you. What do you want to do while we wait? Get a cup of coffee? Cool.
----------
NCIS: briefing room
David Kemmons: This is the man who killed Vivian?
Alexandra Quinn: She recognized him on the ship. Turns out she was friends with his ex-wife.
Timothy McGee: She knew Merrick was denied visitation rights last year, was gonna report him.
Alexandra Quinn: She was killed trying to do the right thing.
David Kemmons: That sounds like Vee... Sorry, we were just, um... We were close.
Alexandra Quinn: Yes.
Timothy McGee: Much closer than you're telling us.
David Kemmons: Huh?
Timothy McGee: We know.
Alexandra Quinn: You two weren't cousins. You were dating.
David Kemmons: Yes.
Alexandra Quinn: After we spoke, I kept digging, and I found the receipt for this... Why didn't you just tell us?
David Kemmons: 'Cause I didn't want Vivian's last act as an officer to be a lie. She loved the Navy. I just wanted to experience that part of her life.
Timothy McGee: You know there are day cruises for significant others.
David Kemmons: There wasn't one of those for another six months... I talked her into this. It shouldn't go on her record.
Timothy McGee: Think we're gonna let this one slide.
David Kemmons: Thank you... Knowing that this was our last time together, I don't have any regrets. Well, except one. That I gave her a necklace instead of a ring... You know what I mean?
Timothy McGee: I do. Quinn, can you finish up? I... Got to go.
Alexandra Quinn: Everything okay?
----------
NCIS: Squad room
Eleanor Bishop: Oh, boy. What now? Hey! That's... Actually super cool.
Nicholas Torres: Oh, thank God. Take that thing out of here before I start playing Yahtzee or doing math.
----------
NCIS: Elevator
Delilah Fielding: Hi, Tim!
Timothy McGee: Delilah. You're here.
Delilah Fielding: Yeah, I figured since I...
Timothy McGee: Actually, you know what? Never mind. This works, too. Excuse us.
Delilah Fielding: Uh, what works? Whoa. Um, are you allowed to do that?
Timothy McGee: Sorry. I had this whole thing planned with light and symmetry, but then we had this case come in with a trash compactor and kissing cousins, but they weren't really cousins.
Delilah Fielding: Tim...
Timothy McGee: I can't waste any more time. Delilah... Will you marry me?
Delilah Fielding: Yes.
