FADE IN:
INT. TELEMARKETING CALL CENTER
(SFX: TELEMARKETERS B.G.)
SALESWOMAN: Hi. This is Alison and I’d like to tell you about our special new program. Hello?
KESTA: Hi, Petty Officer Lambert?
LAMBERT: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah.
KESTA: Hi, my name is Roland Kesta. I’m calling on behalf of Thrifty Phone Services.
LAMBERT: (V.O./FILTERED) I’ve thought it over and I don’t think I want to change my phone service.
KESTA: That’s what most people say until they hear how much we can save them on long distance calls.
LAMBERT: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, I don’t make many long distance phone calls, okay? Did you hear that?
KESTA: What?
LAMBERT: It sounded like glass breaking in the kitchen.
KESTA: No. Our long distance service is exactly the same as A T and T, Sprint, S-B-C, except we can save you…
LAMBERT: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, who the hell are you?
KESTA: The man who’s going to save you forty percent on your long distance calls, Sir. Um… there’s no contract to sign.
(SFX: FILTERED STRUGGLE B.G.)
(SFX: LAMBERT SCREAMS B.G.)
KESTA: Petty Officer Lambert?
(MUSIC OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)
FADE IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
“DOPPLEGÄNGER”
KATE: Last time I’m going to tell you, Tony. Don’t answer my phone, use my computer, read my mail, look through my purse, scan my PDA or touch my cell phone. Ever!
TONY: (INTO PHONE) And an extra side of hash browns. (TO KATE) Just so we’re clear, Kate. I didn’t do any of those things. Zero. Zip. Nada.
KATE: Then how did you know where I went to breakfast?
MCGEE: Logo on the coffee cup in your wastebasket.
TONY: Anyone invite you into this conversation, Probie?
KATE: You looked through my trash!
TONY: Did you say it was off limits? Huh? Did you?
KATE: Why are you doing these things?
TONY: Sharpening my investigative skills.
GIBBS: Grab your gear.
KATE: What’s up?
GIBBS: A dead sailor.
KATE: We didn’t get any calls.
TONY: Saw it on the news. Huh, Boss?
GIBBS: Hey, DiNozzo. For once you’re right. Come on. Let’s go!
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET – DAY
GIBBS: Who’s in charge here?
DETECTIVE: Lieutenant Cheney, Sir.
CHENEY: Finish this in ten.
GIBBS: Lieutenant Cheney? Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS.
CHENEY: You must be psychic, Gibbs. I just put in a call to NCIS.
GIBBS: Oh, not psychic. Just watched the news.
CHENEY: They monitor our radio calls. Chief says cooperate with the news media.
GIBBS: Budget hearings time?
CHENEY: You got it.
GIBBS: What do we have here?
CHENEY: Not sure yet.
GIBBS: News said a sailor was murdered.
CHENEY: Maybe. Kitchen door is broken in and judging from the blood, it could be murder.
GIBBS: No body.
CHENEY: No body. Miller?
MILLER: Yeah, boss? Right away, boss.
CHENEY: We got a nine-one-one from a telemarketer. Said he was talking with a Petty Officer Dion Lambert when he heard a struggle and the line went dead. Call was traced here.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
RAND: Lieutenant, your ex-wife just called.
CHENEY: Which one?
RAND: The nasty one.
CHENEY: You’re going to have to be more specific.
KATE: This is too weird.
MCGEE: Definitely.
TONY: Good weird.
RAND: You want me to call her back?
CHENEY: No. Next time one of my ex’s calls, get her name.
MILLER: Lieutenant.
CHENEY: Unless you object, this is yours.
GIBBS: No objection.
CHENEY: Let’s go, Rachael.
TONY: Hey Rachael. I’m Tony. If you want to get together and compare notes?
RAND: What’s your shoe size?
TONY: Twelve.
RAND: You wish!
(RAND WALKS O.S.)
TONY: No, it is! It really is! You can measure it if you want!
GIBBS: DiNozzo!
TONY: Yeah, boss?
GIBBS: Trace evidence, bag and tag. Kate, sketch and shoot. McGee, lap top and answering machine.
MCGEE: Right.
KATE: That was really odd.
GIBBS: Hm… what?
KATE: You know, how you and him and… never mind. Tony, have you seen my sketch pad?
TONY: Yes, it’s in the truck under my seat.
KATE: Under your seat?! How did it-- ?!
TONY: I like those pants.
CUT TO:
EXT. HOUSE – DAY
MONTELEONE: (V.O.) Take care of that for me. (SFX: KATE BUMPS INTO MONTELEONE)
KATE: Sorry.
MONTELEONE: Wow. You know, your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
KATE: You’ve got to be kidding.
MONTELEONE: What do you say we have dinner?
KATE: Why bother with preliminaries?
MONTELEONE: Ah, now who’s kidding? You serious?
CHENEY: She’s not, but I am. Come on, Monteleone.
(SFX: CAR DOORS OPEN)
RAND: Shot gun!
MONTELEONE: Get in the car, Probie.
KATE: It’s déjà vu.
CUT TO:
INT. CALL CENTER – DAY
KESTA: (V.O./FILTERED) There’s no contract to sign.
(SFX: TAPED STRUGGLE/ SCREAMING B.G.)
KESTA: (V.O./FILTERED) Uh… Petty Officer Lambert?
GIBBS: How many calls a day do you make?
KESTA: Somewhere between three and four hundred.
KATE: Do you ever feel guilty calling people uninvited, intruding into their lives?
KESTA: At first a little. When you get cursed at a couple hundred times, you get over it.
GIBBS: Why’d you keep selling when you knew something was very wrong?
KESTA: My boss doesn’t want us to stop selling for any reason. He’s got the compassion of a cluster bomb.
GIBBS: How did you get Petty Officer Lambert’s number?
KESTA: From a list broker.
KATE: How’d he get on the list?
KESTA: I don’t know. A magazine subscription, warranty cards, supermarket charge.
KATE: Supermarket charge?
KESTA: Why do you think they give you those little key tags they scan when you check out?
KATE: For discounts!
KESTA: It’s to collect information. They sell it to telemarketers. What brands you buy. How much. How often.
KATE: Isn’t that against the law?
KESTA: Anytime you write your name down, it’s going in somebody’s database and then being sold to somebody else.
KATE: Wow. Okay, well I’m going to need your work, cell, and home numbers.
KESTA: All right, but please don’t call between six and eight, because that’s usually…
KATE: You said six and eight, right?
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
GIBBS: Tell Abby I want a full acoustical analysis.
MCGEE: Uh… boss, you know that she’s working on Petty Officer Lambert’s hard drive, answering machine and all the crime scene evidence.
GIBBS: Then help her, McGee!
MCGEE: Yes, boss.
TONY: You really think it’s a good idea for Probie to be alone with – I was going through Lambert’s papers.
KATE: Something you’re very good at.
TONY: There’s a second name on the lease. George Mansur.
KATE: There is no sign of a roommate in that house, Tony.
TONY: Well roommate’s move out, Kate. Sixteen months ago you had a roommate.
KATE: Tony!
GIBBS: Kate, you’re with me.
KATE: Gladly.
GIBBS: Tony, find Mansur.
TONY: On it, Boss.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY READS KATE’S PHONE)
CUT TO:
INT. OUTER LAB – DAY
ABBY: The only blood type at the scene was O-positive.
KATE: Petty Officer Lambert’s O-positive.
ABBY: It’s the most common blood type there is. I shipped a DNA sample to the Armed Forces Registry.
GIBBS: The fingerprints we lifted his?
ABBY: Your missing corpse is Petty Officer Lambert.
GIBBS: Unidentified prints?
ABBY: I have not had time to run all the prints that you lifted yet.
GIBBS: Blood-splatter analysis?
ABBY: Okay Gibbs, I know you think I’m Super Girl – actually, my hair’s probably Wonder Woman or Isis or the Power Puff girl.
KATE: I’ve always been partial to Xena.
ABBY: I don’t know about her. No self-respecting superhero should wear open-toed shoes.
KATE: Oh, I agree.
MCGEE: (V.O.) He erased his hard drive.
ABBY: No problem.
MCGEE: He used a D-O-D certified wipe program.
ABBY: Uh-oh.
KATE: Uh-oh doesn’t sound good.
ABBY: It’s not. A D-O-D wipe not only deletes, but it overrides seven times.
MCGEE: There’s no way to recapture the information, Boss.
GIBBS: Why would he use something like that on his home computer?
MCGEE: Well, he’s an information systems tech and it could just be a matter of course or he could be…
GIBBS: Hiding something. He wipe his answering machine?
MCGEE: No. There were two calls. One yesterday from Blockbuster Video – late returning Happy Gilmore. And one two days ago from Thrifty Phone Services.
GIBBS: All right, let’s hear it. (TO ABBY) You, blood splatters.
ABBY: (SINGS) Yo ho heave ho.
BROUGH: (V.O./FILTERED) Petty Officer Lambert, my name is Dennis Brough. I’m calling on behalf of Thrifty Phone Services. How would you like to cut--
GIBBS: That’s it?
MCGEE: He must’ve picked up.
GIBBS: If they called him two days ago. Why call him back? Dennis Brough, Kate.
KATE: Got it.
GIBBS: Acoustics analysis?
MCGEE: Yes. On that next, Boss.
(MUSIC OVER MONTAGE OF LAB WORK SCENES)
ABBY: Who was that who said always expect the unexpected?
GIBBS: Me.
ABBY: Well, you’re right again.
MCGEE: Boss, you sure are!
ABBY: McGee, you’re about to interrupt unbelievable news.
MCGEE: Abby, trust me. My news is much more unbelievable.
KATE: Gibbs, you’re never going to believe what I found!
MCGEE: Kate, hold on one second.
ABBY: No!
KATE: This is really, really important.
MCGEE: Abby, hold on, okay?
(SFX: ALL TALK OVER)
(SFX: WHISTLE)
GIBBS: Hey! Abby?
ABBY: Okay, this is the blood trail found on Petty Officer Lambert’s kitchen floor. Notice anything hinky?
GIBBS: Yeah, they’re passive drops.
ABBY: Exactly. Created by the force of gravity acting alone. In blood trails the shape of drops are affected by gravity and movement. The tail always points in the direction of travel.
GIBBS: There was no movement when the blood dropped.
ABBY: Nope. Somebody stood there, dropped some blood, took a step, dropped some blood, took a step, dropped some blood
GIBBS: McGee!
MCGEE: The acoustical analysis of the phone call indicates that the fight sounds were unidirectional. I overlaid Kate’s sketch of the crime scene and found the source to be Petty Officer Lambert’s computer. They were sound effects, boss.
GIBBS: Okay. Kate.
KATE: I spoke to Dennis Brough from the Thrifty Phone Service. He’s home with the flu. His supervisor gave Dennis’ lead to Roland Kesta.
GIBBS: Petty Officer Lambert asked that telemarketer to call him back.
KATE: Between eight and twelve last night.
GIBBS: Our Petty Officer faked his own murder.
(CUT TO BLACK)
FADE IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
GIBBS: We have one advantage over Petty Officer Lambert. He doesn’t know we know he’s still alive.
KATE: I’ll flag his accounts. Bank, credit, ATM, e-mail.
TONY: Kate, this mojo faked his own death. Left his laptop, wallet, cell phone, and car behind. Do you really think he’s going to swipe the old charge card at the local Jugs-Are-Us?
GIBBS: Tony’s right.
TONY: Thanks Boss!
GIBBS: You check it anyway, Kate. You never know. If Tony does find his ex-roomie, check his accounts, too.
TONY: I’m zoning in on him.
GIBBS: Yeah? You locate him?
TONY: Not yet, but I’ve got his driver’s license. Federal Tax Return, too. He’s a freelance computer geek. Made six figures last year.
MCGEE: Wishing you were a computer geek, Tony?
TONY: I’d rather be homeless than be you, Probie.
GIBBS: That’s an old address. Same as Petty Officer Lambert’s.
TONY: He’s depreciating a ninety three Hyundai on his return.
MCGEE: How can you depreciate a car that old?
TONY: More important question. Why would a guy pulling down six figures a year drive a car that old?
GIBBS: Only one way to find out.
TONY: Find him and ask him. Which I am trying … going to do!
GIBBS: McGee, you’re with me.
MCGEE: Where are we going, Boss?
GIBBS: To talk to Petty Officer Lambert’s shipmates.
MCGEE: He’s not on a ship, Boss. Oh, sorry. You were using a military euphemism.
GIBBS: You think?
MCGEE: So you mean Bethesda Hospital Computer Center.
GIBBS: You speak their language.
MCGEE: You mean I’m going to interview them?
GIBBS: I interview, you translate. Come on!
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL COMPUTER CENTER – DAY
WILSON: Lambert’s U-A for one day, NCIS is investigating?
GIBBS: Do you have a problem with that, Petty Officer Wilson?
WILSON: No, Sir.
GIBBS: What was Petty Officer Lambert’s job?
WILSON: He was developing a new code base for enterprise resource and planning. The application will be able to support medical multi-processing and scalable architecture up to eight terabytes of data.
MCGEE: Wow! Phew! (TO GIBBS) He was writing a new computer program as part of an overhaul and update to the Naval medical computer system.
GIBBS: Anything sensitive?
WILSON: A person’s health information is very sensitive, Sir.
GIBBS: National security sensitive, Petty Officer.
WILSON: We have a circuit base gateway, Sir, which applies a security mechanism anytime there’s a U-S-D or T-C-P connection established. Once that connection’s been made, packets can travel between hosts without further checking.
MCGEE: No.
WILSON: Petty Officer Lambert’s fit-reps were above standard, Sir. He was just a regular guy.
GIBBS: Our definition of regular might be different.
MCGEE: One man’s Linex is another’s O-S two.
WILSON: I hear that.
MCGEE: Sorry.
GIBBS: Any recent changes in his behavior, attitude?
WILSON: No, Sir. Well, take that back. A few days ago he seemed jumpy. I tapped him on the shoulder to talk about the performance degradation in the application gateway, and he about came out of his chair.
MCGEE: He was…. nervous.
GIBBS: Yeah, I got that, McGee.
MCGEE: Okay.
GIBBS: I’m going to need…I’m going to need copies of all this stuff.
MCGEE: Uh… access to the source codes, flow charts, and the logical processes involved in the application.
WILSON: Not a problem, Sir.
WILKERSON: Special Agent Gibbs? Karen Wilkerson. Petty Officer Wilson’s supervisor.
GIBBS: You’re late.
WILKERSON: We were making a software change-over. It’s been crazy.
GIBBS: Hmm. (TO MCGEE) Get copies of what we need, McGee.
MCGEE: Right, Boss.
GIBBS: Tell me about Petty Officer Lambert.
WILKERSON: (V.O.) Not a lot to tell. Good guy.
CUT TO:
INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
WILKERSON: Hard worker. First one in in the mornings, usually the last to leave. Volunteered to work weekends.
GIBBS: Yeah. You work weekends?
WILKERSON: Not if I can help it. Why is NCIS investigating a sailor who’s missed one day of work?
GIBBS: He’s UA, Miss Wilkerson.
WILKERSON: It’s not like he missed a deployment.
GIBBS: Petty Officer Wilson says he seemed jumpy lately.
WILKERSON: Well, he’d be in a better position to know that than me. Petty Officer Lambert and I didn’t have much day-to-day contact. You work weekends, Special Agent Gibbs?
GIBBS: If I need to.
WILKERSON: Why do I feel you need to a lot?
(GIBBS LAUGHS)
WILKERSON: Anything else? I have to get back to work.
GIBBS: Not at the moment.
WILKERSON: Well, if there is, I’ll make myself available. Even on the weekend. Oh, might even be on time.
GIBBS: Wow.
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
KATE: Enough, Tony. I have nothing to hide.
TONY: Really. For someone with nothing to hide, you seem awfully concerned about what other people know about you.
KATE: Why? Because I get upset when you go through my personal belongings?
TONY: Exactly.
KATE: Well, Tony, some people enjoy having a private life. Unlike you, we don’t go around informing everyone about the frequency of our… hooking up.
TONY: In a slump?
KATE : Gibbs. Mansur withdrew six thousand from his bank account the week before he moved out.
TONY: He’s also moved three times in the last six years. This last time he didn’t file a change of address at the post office. Thank you.
GIBBS: Whatever the hell this is, they’re in it together.
TONY: Yeah, well… what is… whatever the hell this is?
GIBBS: Find Mansur.
TONY: Yes. And we’ll find out. I know, Boss. I’m trying.
GIBBS: Try harder.
TONY: Right.
KATE: You know, Gibbs, maybe Lambert faked his own death to get out of the Navy. You know, wanted to make a few bucks like his roomie.
GIBBS: Not likely. His enlistment was up in five months. McGee!
MCGEE: Yeah, Boss.
GIBBS: Check with Abby. Find out how she’s doing with that stuff you brought in.
MCGEE: Right.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – DAY
MCGEE: This should help keep you awake.
ABBY: Thanks. I must have looked at a hundred thousand lines of code. Is it possible to die of boredom?
MCGEE: No.
ABBY: How can you be sure?
MCGEE: Well, because I had Professor Birnbaum for Economics. Believe me, his class makes staring at a monitor seem like Mardi Gras.
ABBY: I don’t know. This really sucks.
MCGEE: I’ll tell you what sucks. Working after school as a burnt potato-chip picker.
ABBY: You’re making that up.
MCGEE: Have you ever seen a burnt potato chip in a bag of potato chips?
ABBY: Hm… now that you mention it.
MCGEE: Sat next to a conveyer belt, air choked with oil, watching cooked potato chips fly by. I would pick up the burnt ones while trying not to get motion sickness.
ABBY: Incinerator operator. Burning medical waste at two thousand degrees. Body parts, body waste.
MCGEE: Summer between freshman and sophomore year, I was a porta potty cleaner. It was the hottest summer on record.
ABBY: Ski lift operator; Alberta. Negative forty-four degrees Fahrenheit.
MCGEE: Cleaned asbestos.
ABBY: Collected road kill.
MCGEE: Tie? No? Okay, before I joined NCIS…
ABBY: Is that what I think it is?
MCGEE: Depends…. what you think it is.
ABBY: The reason Petty Officer Lambert faked his own murder.
(PASSAGE OF TIME)
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
MCGEE: Petty Officer Lambert was part of the team that was updating the Navy’s medical computer system. He’d been working on it almost two years.
ABBY: Did you tell him?
MCGEE: No. Saved the best for you.
ABBY: Oh, thanks, McGee! You know how I relish the moments…
GIBBS: Stop relishing. Start explaining it.
ABBY: Okay. Geez, Gibbs. Five months ago Petty Officer Lambert buried a simple command in the program to send him drugs.
MCGEE: Lots of drugs.
ABBY: McGee!
MCGEE: Sorry.
ABBY: For every three hundred and thirty seven prescriptions, one was written for him. It’s ingenious in its simplicity, Gibbs.
GIBBS: What kind of drugs?
MCGEE: Painkillers; Percocet, Vicodin, Oxycontin…
ABBY: Oxycontin is twice as addictive as heroin. It’s more addictive than pistachios. (BEAT) Well, have you ever just eaten one pistachio?
MCGEE: Actually, I have. Potato chips, on the other hand…(BEAT) Uh… the Navy writes a lot of prescriptions. So the amount that he was getting, there’s no way it was for personal use.
ABBY: In the last eight months eighteen thousand Oxycontin pills, twelve thousand Percocet, nine thousand Vicodin.
MCGEE: Legal price for an eighty milligram Oxycontin is six dollars.
GIBBS: Street price is sixty five to eighty.
ABBY: On the Oxycontin alone, he made a million bucks.
MCGEE: Cash.
GIBBS: Petty Officer Lambert is long gone.
ABBY: I would be.
(CUT TO BLACK)
FADE IN:
INT. HOSPITAL COMPUTER ROOM
WILKERSON: Three lines of computer code buried among millions. I’m amazed you found it.
MCGEE: I didn’t really. It was Abby Sciuto. She’s a whiz at codes.
GIBBS: You never suspected Petty Officer Lambert of abusing his access to the Navy drug system?
WILKERSON: Not until you showed up. When NCIS investigates a sailor who’s been U-A one day, there’s something wrong. After you left, I had Petty Officer Wilson run a check on Lambert’s computer.
WILSON: I never caught this. Sciuto must be hot.
WILKERSON: What made you suspicious, Agent Gibbs?
GIBBS: A murder that didn’t happen. Your Petty Officer faked his own death. He wanted us looking for his body instead of him.
MCGEE: We’d have done it, too, if Abby hadn’t found the hinky blood trail.
WILSON: I’ve got to meet this woman.
MCGEE: You know, she’s uh… she’s probably not your type. Uh… Tats, piercings, dark make up.
WILSON: Goth.
MCGEE: Yeah.
WILSON: I love Goth!
GIBBS: Thieves are just like gamblers. They never quit when they’re ahead. Why would Petty Officer Lambert?
WILKERSON: In five days, the new software system goes online. He must have been afraid it would pick up his scam.
WILSON: Got it! He had his prescriptions sent to box seven eighty one, Mailboxes Etcetera, Fourteenth Street.
GIBBS: McGee, you two keep pulling Lambert’s scripts. See if any are in the pipeline.
MCGEE: Happy to, Boss.
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Lieutenant Cheney, Special Agent Gibbs.
OPERATOR: (V.O./FILTERED) One moment, Sir. (SFX: KNOCK ON WINDOW)
WILSON: So tell me more about this Abby.
MCGEE: You know, I can’t work and talk, okay?
CUT TO:
INT. COMPUTER OFFICE – DAY
WILKERSON: Think you’ll find him?
GIBBS: Usually do. (INTO PHONE) Hey Cheney. It’s Gibbs.
CHENEY: What do you got?
GIBBS: Our missing Petty Officer siphoned thousands of opiates from the Navy drug program. Ring any bells? My office. One hour. (TO WILKERSON) Do you like boats?
WILKERSON: Sail or power?
GIBBS: Sail.
WILKERSON: I love to sail. This weekend?
GIBBS: Um… um… I’m still building her.
WILKERSON: Which marina?
GIBBS: My basement.
WILKERSON: Oh, of course. Saturday.
GIBBS: If I can find Lambert by then.
WILKERSON: Well, what are you doing standing here, Agent Gibbs?
GIBBS: Jethro.
WILKERSON: Jethro?
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
MCGEE: Two black coffees, and two grande triple-pump half-caf vanilla lattes.
MILLER: Cheers.
MCGEE: Right.
MILLER: No, mine’s the one with the extra foam.
MCGEE: Sorry.
CHENEY: So Gibbs, I’ve had my eye on this one guy. He’s a lobbyist. Went from dealing to a few friends to supplying the Beltway with illegal painkillers.
GIBBS: Well, syncs up.
CHENEY: Miller.
MILLER: Yes. Just a second.
MCGEE: Here, let me help you.
(SFX: COFFEE SPILLS)
MILLER: My fault.
MCGEE: No, it was mine.
MILLER: No, I should have been more careful.
MCGEE: Not a problem. Not a problem.
GIBBS: McGee!
CHENEY: Miller!
MCGEE AND MILLER: (IN UNISON) Sorry, Boss.
CHENEY: Aaron Alan Wright.
GIBBS: Ever busted?
CHENEY: Once. Dealing to his frat brothers at Syracuse. Got probation.
GIBBS: Why haven’t you busted him?
CHENEY: I want the other end of his pipeline. If I bust him, his supplier just finds another dealer.
GIBBS: He’s soft. Want to bring him in here for a chat?
CHENEY: Have Monteleone and Rand pick up Wright. Deliver him here.
MILLER: Sure, Boss.
MCGEE: Is that the seventy two twenty?
MILLER: It’s the seventy two thirty.
MCGEE: Sweet.
MILLER: Yeah.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: Petty Officer Dion Lambert.
AARON: Sorry, never heard of him.
GIBBS: A Navy computer geek. Steals painkillers from the Government.
AARON: What does a swabbie stealing painkillers have to do with me?
CHENEY: He sells them to you. You sell them to your beltway clients.
ARTHUR: This really is a waste of time.
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY
ARTHUR: I’ve advised my client not to answer your questions, and he won’t.
MONTELEONE: That is beautiful.
TONY: Franck Muller Conquistadore.
MONTELEONE: Seventy eight hundred retail.
TONY: Yeah. You know that guy paid retail. Look at him.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
CHENEY: We’ve known you’ve been dealing for months.
AARON: Really. Then why did it take you this long to call me in?
GIBBS: The Lieutenant wanted your source, and I just gave it to him.
AARON: And that’s the Petty Officer? What was his name again?
GIBBS: Dion Lambert.
AARON: I’m scanning….no hits.
CHENEY: This isn’t a frat bust for grass, Aaron.
GIBBS: This is hard time. Every night. Hard time.
CHENEY: Tell us where Petty Officer Lambert’s hiding.
GIBBS: We’ll cut you a deal.
CHENEY: Minimum time in a Federal facility without nightly cavity searches.
ARTHUR: Aaron, if they had evidence of you doing something illegal (V.O.) which I know you didn’t, they wouldn’t be talking deals.
AARON: I have to listen to my lawyer. He’s very expensive.
GIBBS: When I find Petty Officer Lambert…
CHENEY: And he will.
GIBBS: He’ll roll on you for a deal.
AARON: Really?
GIBBS: Yeah. You want to know why? ‘Cause he’s soft just like you.
ARTHUR: What is this, bad cop, bad cop?
CHENEY: Gibbs, we miscalculated.
GIBBS: You think?
CHENEY: Our friend here’s looking forward to playing strip poker in Marion… without cards.
GIBBS: Yeah, is that true Aaar-ron?
ARTHUR: Charge my client or we’re walking out! Now!
AARON: Bastards!
(DOOR OPENS)
GIBBS: Aaron? You won’t last forty eight hours in Marion.
CHENEY: Oh, I figure twenty four.
GIBBS: Five bucks.
CHENEY: It’s a bet.
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY
(SFX: TONY LAUGHS)
GIBBS: What are you laughing at, DiNozzo?!
CHENEY: And you, Monteleone!?
GIBBS: We didn’t break him!
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
CHENEY: Made him piss his pants, though.
GIBBS: Oh hell, yes!
CUT TO:
INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
ARTHUR: I’d wait until we get outside. Aaron…
CUT TO:
INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
TONY: Rachael. Hey, how would you like to discuss that interrogation over some…
RAND: Chinese food? I don’t think so.
TONY: Yeah, how did you know I was --
RAND: Kate said you would.
TONY: Well, you see, Kate’s just a …
RAND: Jealous?
TONY: Did she tell you I was going to say that, too?
RAND: I’ll give you one thing. You’re almost as good looking as… you think you are.
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM – DAY
ABBY: Gibbs! George Mansur – Lambert’s ex-roomie? He’s online!
GIBBS: Where?
ABBY: I back-traced his I.P. address to the Key Bridge Cybercafe in Georgetown!
GIBBS: Tony. McGee. You’re with me. Kate phones. Abby, keep tabs on Mansur’s computer.
KATE: But boy’s night out.
ABBY: Which means….girls night in! Transfer your phones to my lab.
CUT TO:
INT. GEORGETOWN STREET – DAY
GEORGE: This isn’t legal! Your guy is on my computer!
TONY: It’s not your computer. It’s the cybercafe’s.
GEORGE: Yeah, well I’m logged in on it. He can see all of my trades. That’s an invasion of my privacy!
TONY: Actually, he’s right, Boss.
GIBBS: Uh-huh.
GEORGE: Then… you’ll let me go?
GIBBS: No.
GEORGE: (SHOUTS) Hel-!
GIBBS: Don’t…. shout.
TONY: Federal agents. All’s well. Go about your business.
GIBBS: Where is your roomie?
GEORGE: I don’t have one.
GIBBS: Ex-roomie.
GEORGE: Dion? I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since I moved out two weeks ago.
GIBBS: Why did you move?
GEORGE: He bought the place. Didn’t want a roommate anymore.
GIBBS: You didn’t file a change of address.
GEORGE: I mailed it in yesterday.
TONY: You and Dion partners?
GEORGE: No. He works his own trades.
GIBBS: A Petty Officer Second day trades in the market?
GEORGE: Dion’s sharp. Is that what this is about? His inside trading?
GIBBS: Inside tradings?
GEORGE: Had to be. He makes a lot more money than I do in the market.
TONY: Drug market?
GEORGE: Dion wasn’t dealing drugs. I’d have known.
GIBBS: Uh-huh.
GEORGE: Well, if he was, I didn’t know. I swear!
GIBBS: Where is Dion now?
GEORGE: I don’t know. He’s a workaholic. If he’s not home, he’s at his job. (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.
TONY: This is your car, right? Okay, you make a couple hundred grand a year and you drive this?
GEORGE: I’m not a car guy.
TONY: Don’t you dig chicks?
GIBBS: Get McGee and Abby to do what they do when they hook up.
(SFX: TONY CHUCKLES)
TONY: You meant their computers.
GIBBS: Then you take him in.
GEORGE: But I haven’t done-- !
TONY: Shut up! Damn! So what’s up?
GIBBS: Lieutenant Cheney found Petty Officer Lambert.
TONY: Where?
GIBBS: In a ravine in Rock Creek Park.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK – NIGHT
(CAMERA ANGLE CLOSE ON LAMBERT)
(MUSIC OUT)
FADE IN:
EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK – NIGHT
DUCKY: Is this the Petty Officer who faked his murder, Jethro?
GIBBS: Unless DNA says otherwise.
DUCKY: Well, he’s not faking now.
GIBBS: The shooter put one round into the back of his head.
DUCKY: And his hair is burned. I’d say the muzzle was within two inches of his skull.
CHENEY: Aaron Wright doesn’t have the guts to pull a trigger looking you in the eyes.
GIBBS: Well, neither does George Mansur. No, my gut’s telling me that Ducky’s about to eliminate him as a suspect. What time did our boy die, Duck?
DUCKY: Patience, Jethro. Mister Palmer is at home with the flu so I’m my own assistant tonight. Judging by the ambient temperature, I’d say he expired between eighteen and twenty one hundred hours. How does that jive with your gut?
GIBBS: Well, let us see.
CUT TO:
INT. OUTER LAB – NIGHT
MCGEE: Oh wow. Mansur bought Argente Cosmetics two days before it jumped twenty eight points.
ABBY: Must have been when the FDA approved androgen lipstick. It increases a woman’s libido.
(MCGEE LAUGHS)
MCGEE: Viagra for women?
ABBY: Why is that funny, McGee?
MCGEE: It’s not that it’s funny. It’s, you know, women…
ABBY: Women don’t need to be turned on before they perform?
MCGEE: No, that’s not what I mean, Abby.
(SFX: PHONE RINGS)
ABBY: (SHOUTS INTO PHONE) What!?
CUT TO:
INT. ROCK CREEK RAVINE – NIGHT
GIBBS: Oh! (INTO PHONE) Yikes, Abby! What did McGee do this time? (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) He put his size ten shoe in his size twelve mouth.
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) When did Mansur log on at the cybercafe?
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Sixteen fifty six.
(SCENE CUT)
ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Four minutes before the Tokyo market opened.
(SCENE CUT)
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) The longest trading gap was eight minutes until Neander-boy took over.
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) When you’re done with Neander-boy….
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) … Tell him to release Mansur.
(SCENE CUT)
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) That might be a while, Gibbs.
(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
CUT TO:
EXT. ROCK CREEK PARK – NIGHT
MONTELEONE: Oh, no wait a minute. Wait a minute. No no no no. I’ve never paid for it in my life.
KATE: Uh-huh.
MONTELEONE: I was fifteen and my cousin Ansel paid Maggie O’Brien for the both of us so that doesn’t count.
KATE: Yes, it does, Tony.
MONTELEONE: I’m Primo.
KATE: Sorry. I can’t tell you apart. Look at this. Someone’s been chain smoking here.
CUT TO:
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM – NIGHT
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
GIBBS: Do you smoke, Aaron?
AARON: All right, you got me. All right? I lit up in your elevator. What’s the big… ah, geez!
GIBBS: How’s it going, Ducky?
DUCKY: Slow without an assistant. Is this the killer?
AARON: I didn’t kill anybody. I don’t even own a gun.
DUCKY: Do you want to see what your bullet did?
AARON: No.
GIBBS: Did Aaron just acknowledge he shot him?
CHENEY: Sounded that way to me.
AARON: No, I don’t want to see this.
DUCKY: I can assure you it will be very instructional. Your slug penetrated the occipital lope instantly blinding the poor boy. Although death, of course, was so sudden I doubt that he’d notice it. It then entered the Corpus Callosum.
AARON: Oh, god just stop. I’ve got to barf. (SFX: AARON VOMITS B.G.)
DUCKY: In the Eighteenth century, the Corpus Callosum was believed to house the soul. It wasn’t until the Mid-Twentieth century, actually, that scientists determined it’s a thick bundle of nerve fibers to transfer information between the right and left hemispheres of the brain.
CHENEY: Fascinating.
AARON: I didn’t kill Dion.
GIBBS: Dion?
CHENEY: Definitely someone he was on a first name basis with.
AARON: Is that deal you offered still on the table?
GIBBS: Hell no.
AARON: I know who killed him. Do I get the deal?
GIBBS: Not if it was you.
AARON: I can live with that. I picked up the drugs from a blind mailbox. I sent the cash by return mail. The last shipment came in two days ago, and I dropped fifty grand in the mail that night.
CHENEY: He made a million and got whacked waiting for fifty grand?
AARON: You cops always inflate. They never made anywhere near a mil.
GIBBS: They?
AARON: Dion and his partner.
CHENEY: What partner?
AARON: I don’t know his name. I only worked with Dion.
Wait! Wait! Just hear me out please! All right, his partner is a computer geek where Dion works. He picked up on the scam and he threatened to report it unless Dion cut him in on half. Find the partner, you find his killer.
CUT TO:
INT. COMPUTER ROOM – DAY
WILKERSON: (V.O.) I don’t believe him. (ON CAMERA) If two of my people were ripping off the system, I should be fired for incompetence.
GIBBS: They weren’t both doing it. Petty Officer Wilson caught on to the scam.
WILKERSON: Well, if he caught on I should have.
GIBBS: They sat next to each other.
WILKERSON: You’re not very computer literate, are you, Jethro?
(SFX: RAPID BEEP TONES)
MCGEE: Boss! Boss! He’s got a Trojan horse on Petty Officer Lambert’s computer. You could access his programs.
WILSON: I didn’t insert that!
TONY: Just once, boss, I wish one of these guys would say, “You got me. I did it.”
WILSON: McGee.
MCGEE: Sorry, Man.
WILSON: Ma'am, you know me. I love the Navy. I wouldn’t steal from it!
WILKERSON: I believe you, Niles.
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
MCGEE: How could I have missed this yesterday?
ABBY: No one gets everything right the first time, McGee. Except Gibbs.
MCGEE: I just can’t believe that Niles did it.
ABBY: McGee, you’re so… trusting.
MCGEE: What’s wrong with that?
ABBY: Well, it’s great in a relationship. Kind of sucks for an investigation. Oh, poor baby.
CUT TO:
INT. BASEMENT – DAY
(SFX: WOOD PLANING B.G.)
WILKERSON: Familiar with this new advance in technology called … power tools?
GIBBS: Close your eyes. (SFX: PLANING CONTINUES)
GIBBS: Do you feel the wood? You don’t get a sensation like that from a power tool.
(WILKERSON LAUGHS)
CUT TO:
INT. LAB – DAY
ABBY: Something is hinky here, McGee. These are the butts that Kate found at the crime scene.
MCGEE: Looks like identical twins.
ABBY: All from the same pack. Now these are Aaron Wright and Petty Officer Wilson’s Triboros.
MCGEE: Twins, but not identical because they came from different packs?
ABBY: Correct. But not my point.
MCGEE: The killer didn’t smoke Triboros!
ABBY: The butts that Kate found were Lamas.
MCGEE: Okay, I gotta call Gibbs. You just proved that Petty Officer Wilson isn’t the killer.
ABBY: Or Aaron Wright.
MCGEE: You ruled out both suspects.
ABBY: No I didn’t. Either one could still be the murderer. All I proved is that someone smoked Lamas at Rock Creek Park.
CUT TO:
INT. BASEMENT – DAY
(SFX: PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Boss, I don’t know if this is important or not.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) McGee, this had better be the most important phone call you ever made. Yeah.
(SFX: WILKERSON POURS DRINKS)
(GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE)
WILKERSON: Everything all right?
GIBBS: Yeah.
WILKERSON: Come on. What’s wrong?
GIBBS: Your Petty Officer won’t admit to any involvement.
WILKERSON: I don’t believe he was.
GIBBS: Have you got a smoke?
WILKERSON: Well that surprises me.
GIBBS: Thank you. Ever been to Sicily?
WILKERSON: Interesting segue. No.
GIBBS: Capaci’s a town outside of Palermo. In ninety one, there was a Mafia don sitting in a hillside orchard chain-smoking, watching the road below. Two cars in a tight formation came around the corner. The don hit a switch. The road exploded. It killed the chief magistrate prosecuting the Sicilian Mafia, his wife and three bodyguards. The Italian Caribinari found the cigarette butts in the orchard. Sent them to our FBI crime lab. They matched the DNA from the saliva on the filters to the don. It’s the first time that DNA was ever used successfully to prosecute a killer.
WILKERSON: You are a very strange man.
GIBBS: Yeah. Yeah. It’s about to get stranger. Karen, I hope that the DNA on this cigarette doesn’t match the butts found where Dion was executed. I really do.
(MUSIC OUT)
(ENDING CREDITS UP AND OUT)
(MUSIC UP OVER ENDING CREDITS AND OUT)
* * * * * * * *
Prepared by C.C. Printed in USA
Calvert Continuities Aired 1/18/05
