HETTY: Previously on NCIS: Los Angeles...[Rude Awakenings – 4x06]
MAN: Where's Quinn? Mr. Sidorov wishes to see you.
QUINN: What's the job?
SIDOROV: Name's Kirkin. $1 million cash.
CALLEN: Sidorov says that he wants Kirkin dead.
SAM: Who would Kirkin use for a hit in the U.S.?
KOLCHECK: One man: Viktor Varlamov.
VARLAMOV: I'm being set up.
[Gunfire and people screaming (fake shooting at Sidorov)]
HETTY: You did not recover the bombs?
WILLIAMS: No, they're gone.
DEEKS: Now there's three nuclear weapons out there.
SAM: Sidorov will sell those bombs to anybody.
CALLEN: A nuclear bomb on the open market would go for millions.
CALLEN: You let him leave the country?
SNYDER: Sidorov left on a diplomatic flight.
CALLEN: We're talking about nuclear weapons.
QUINN: We're gonna get this bastard, right?
SAM: Hell, yeah.
[Venice Beach. Chess players]
PLAYER1: Your move.
[Player2 mutters, clears his throat]
[Varlamov is walking on the grass; he sits down on a bench; he looks around, starts reading the newspapers he brought; actually he’s here to take an envelope stuck under the bench; there’s a long letter in it; he reads just a few lines- not noticing someone coming close from behind; he gasps: an ice pick has been pushed into his neck, paralyzing him at once; he keeps gasping weakly. His aggressor sits down at his side; he speaks Russian in his ear and hits him 3 times in the chest with the ice pick; he pulls out cigar clippers; uses them to cut a cigar, and then Varmalov’s middle finger! Footage of the backs of the 2 men is on the monitor of a laptop: Sidorov appreciates the scene…]
♫ ♫ NCIS: LA 4x17 ♫ ♫ Wanted ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ Original Air Date on March 5, 2013 ♫ ♫
[NCIS office. Kensi walks into the armory; Deeks is classifying weapons]
KENSI: How would you describe the way we settle disagreements?
DEEKS: I apologize, even when it's not my fault. Typical male/female dynamic. Why?
[She writes notes]
KENSI: What's your greatest fear?
DEEKS: Quicksand. No, headhunters, actually. Headhunters and being buried up to my neck in an ant hill, which headhunters do.
KENSI: So, basically, anything in a Tarzan movie?
DEEKS: Pretty much.
KENSI: Do you have reoccurring nightmares?
DEEKS: Just the one with Hetty and the burning monkey.
KENSI: What?
DEEKS: What? I thought everybody had that. I know Eric does.
[Kensi waves a no]
DEEKS: That's awkward.
KENSI: What other job would you be doing if you couldn't be in law enforcement?
DEEKS: Gigolo.
KENSI: Seriously?
DEEKS: Schoolteacher.
KENSI: Really?
DEEKS: Who lives a double life as a gigolo. Why are you asking me all these questions?
KENSI: It's just a... partner survey.
DEEKS: I didn't get one.
[Kensi scoffs]
KENSI: Well...
[Deeks grabs the survey]
KENSI: Hey, give it back.
DEEKS: Hold on, hold on. How would you describe the way you smell? What the...? This isn't from Hetty, this is from a bridal magazine. No, no, this isn't for partner-partners.
KENSI: Okay, just give it back. I'll-- Forget about it.
DEEKS: No, no, no...Hold on a second.
KENSI: What?
DEEKS: Why are you reading bridal magazines?
KENSI: It was in the Laundromat.
DEEKS: So, you stole it?
KENSI: Just-- It's from 2007.
DEEKS: Oh, my God...Your biological clock.
KENSI: Shut it. Don't say another word.
DEEKS: That's so funny, 'cause I always thought that ticking was a bomb, but it turns out it's you wanting to make a baby.
KENSI: Stop it.
[Nell appears…]
DEEKS: You want to make it with me? We can make some ninja assassins...
NELL: Hi.
[They stare at her]
NELL: Sorry. Viktor Varlamov was murdered on the beach this morning.
[Kensi tries to take the survey- she misses; she walks out]
DEEKS: Tick-tock...
[He follows his partner- hands Nell the survey]
DEEKS: Oh, uh, don't forget to fill out your partner survey.
[OPS center.]
ERIC: We pulled this from a Venice chess park. It's the only camera and the only angle.
KENSI: You think this is related to Isaak Sidorov?
NELL: Sidorov thinks a rival Mob boss, Anatoli Kirkin, hired Varlamov to assassinate him.
SAM: It's one of the reasons Sidorov fled the country.
DEEKS: Well, maybe he's back.
[G and Sam exchange a look]
NELL: Sidorov has three stolen nukes. Maybe getting rid of Kirkin and Varlamov is step one.
ERIC: The killer made sure not to show his face. It's as if he knew where the camera was.
DEEKS: Why didn't he choose a bench that wasn't on camera?
SAM: Proof of the hit.
CALLEN: He staged it so someone could watch from a remote location. Find out who was watching this feed at the time, send us everything you have on Varlamov. Why don't you see if the killer left any clues.
KENSI: Uh, where are you going?
CALLEN: Talk to one of Varlamov's poker buddies.
[At the morgue. Varlamov has marks engraved onto his forehead. Deeks takes a picture]
DEEKS: Wow. I believe that falls under adding insult to injury.
[Kensi shows the hand with the missing middle finger]
KENSI: What do you think this falls under?
DEEKS: Maybe he flipped off the wrong guy.
[Kensi scoffs]
DEEKS: The Cyrillic letters are the English equivalent to S-L-O-N.
KENSI: What do you think "Slon" means?
DEEKS: Well, maybe it's the name of the guy that killed him.
KENSI: I guess it could be Russian.
DEEKS: Or they could both be parts of the same puzzle--you know, Slon and a missing finger. Finger and Slon: Fingerslon. Fingerstein...das ist, das ist ein Fingerslon.
[Kensi sighs]
KENSI: I'm so alone.
DEEKS: Das ist ein...
[Kensi walks out]
DEEKS: Does this mean we're not looking for a German Nail Spa? Kensi? Huh, liebchen?
[Sam’s car is parked in front of a Grill dinner on Hollywood Blv.]
KENSI [over radio]: The word "Slon," in Russian, is carved on his forehead and he's missing his little finger. Yeah. We're sending you a photo right now.
CALLEN: [On phone] All right, Kens, thanks.
[They get out of the car]
CALLEN: So, whoever killed Varlamov, he cut off one of his fingers and scratched that into his forehead.
SAM: What's it mean?
CALLEN: Slon. It's Russian for elephant.
SAM: So who's the elephant?
CALLEN: "Bay-bar"?
SAM: What?
CALLEN: The elephant, from the kids' book.
SAM: You mean Babar. You pronounce it Babar.
CALLEN: I don't think so.
SAM: I have a little girl. She watches those Babar movies repeatedly. It's Babar.
CALLEN: Maybe he changed his name when he came to Hollywood.
SAM: It's Babar, trust me.
[Arkady Kolcheck is eating; Sam and G keep him company]
KOLCHECK: Yeah, he looks dead.
CALLEN: Whoever killed him used an ice pick.
KOLCHECK: Brutal but effective. This government issue?
CALLEN: What happened to you eating healthy, huh?
KOLCHECK: You two still together. That's nice. You've lasted longer than any of my marriages. What is secret?
SAM: We don't go to bed angry.
CALLEN: I let him drive.
SAM: You know who killed this guy?
KOLCHECK: Why would I know? Because I'm Russian? We all look the same to you? You think I know everything every Russian is doing in this state?
CALLEN: Just the criminals.
[Arkady has a guttural sigh]
KOLCHECK: That hurts.
SAM: Who killed Varlamov?
KOLCHECK: I don't know.
CALLEN: But you have an idea.
SAM: Would his name be Slon, by any chance?
[Arkady chuckles]
KOLCHECK: I don't think so.
CALLEN: So who's the elephant?
KOLCHECK: Babar.
[He says it like French people do- closer to Sam’s pronunciation- the agents exchange a look]
CALLEN: He's Russian.
KOLCHECK: In this case, "Slon" does not mean elephant. It's acronym. It stands for "Suki Lyubat Ostry Nozh."
CALLEN: "Bitches love a sharp knife."
KOLCHECK: It's old Russian prison code.
SAM: Is it prison code to chop a guy's finger off?
KOLCHECK: Depends what is on that finger.
CALLEN: Like a ring?
KOLCHECK: More like a tattoo. Valmorov was a Vor, a thief. He had thief's tattoo on his middle finger to show he is part of Vory brotherhood.
SAM: So, whoever killed him chopped off his finger to show he was no longer in the club?
KOLCHECK: Something like that, yeah.
CALLEN: Who do you know that would do something like this?
KOLCHECK: Someone who works for someone who wants him dead. Someone who spent time in Russian prison and is fond of ice picks.
CALLEN: Someone like...
KOLCHECK: …Dmitri Greshnev.
CALLEN: Greshnev left the country with his boss Sidorov.
KOLCHECK: Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I'd definitely say he's back now.
[Callen leans towards Sam and speaks quietly]
CALLEN: If Sidorov and Greshnev are back, they must have a buyer for the stolen nukes.
SAM: If they're back, they're coming for my wife.
-------------------- ZAPPING -------------------
[Sam is on phone, leaving the diner in a hurry- G on his heels]
SAM: Michelle, where are you? We have unexpected guests from out of town. You need to call me right now.
CALLEN: Sam!
[Horn honking]
CALLEN: Last time you couldn't reach her was because of a Christmas play.
SAM: Christmas is over.
CALLEN: Sam!
[Sam crosses the street – car horn honks, it has to stop to let him pass him safely…]
CALLEN: Hey! I'd still like to see another one.
[NCIS office. Kensi and Deeks are watching again the video of Varlamov being murdered]
KENSI: What do you suppose was in that letter?
DEEKS: "Don't look behind you"?
[They exchange a look]
DEEKS: It was probably just a plant to lure him there and distract him.
KENSI: Well, whoever planted the letter must have called Varlamov to tell him to look for it.
NELL: Hey, guys.
DEEKS: Yeah, Nell, we need you Varlamov's phone records.
NELL: Will do. But we just got a call from Callen. He thinks Sidorov and his man Greshnev may be back in the country.
KENSI: Well, it makes sense, if they killed Varlamov. Also means that Kirkin might be next.
DEEKS: If Sidorov is back, he's probably trying to sell those stolen nukes. Where are Sam and Callen?
NELL: On their way to Sam's house. They can't reach his wife Michelle.
KENSI: All right, tell them we'll go there and meet them.
HETTY: I'm afraid the two of you are needed elsewhere. Our old friend, Officer Snyder, from the CIA, is on his way to the boatshed. Assistant Director Granger wants us to partner up with him.
DEEKS: What? Why?
HETTY: Because if this does involve Sidorov and the missing nukes, then it's bigger than both our agencies.
DEEKS: When you say "partner," you mean just keep him in the loop, right?
HETTY: I think more like a double date.
DEEKS: What?
KENSI: Uh...we're babysitting?
HETTY: Think of it as animal control. I need you to keep Officer Snyder busy until Callen and Sam can get a handle on this. Do not let him out of your sight.
[Michelle is at home; upbeat R&B music is playing in her headphones and the vacuum cleaner is whirring loudly. She stops and hears a door opening and closing. She grabs a lamp, ready to strike – it’s Sam!]
SAM: What are you doing?
MICHELLE: What the hell are you doing?
SAM: I was calling you.
MICHELLE: I had the vacuum on. And I could have killed you.
[G opens the door]
SAM: You were wearing headphones.
MICHELLE: You're lucky I didn't crack your skull open.
CALLEN: So, I take it, we're all good in here?
SAM: Yeah.
MICHELLE: No!
[G stares at them]
SAM: Miss Former CIA was wearing headphones while she was vacuuming.
MICHELLE: What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm surprised you even know we have a vacuum, because you sure as hell never use it.
SAM: Excuse me?
MICHELLE: You heard me. Now, what are you two doing, sneaking up in here like the damn Hardy Boys?
CALLEN: I'm just gonna run outside and make a quick phone call, all right?
[He closes the door]
SAM: No, no, no. Wait, G. Come on, G!
[He scoffs]
MICHELLE: You want to tell me what's going on?
[Boatshed. Snyder is pacing up and down; Deeks and Kensi are on the couch.]
SNYDER: I was very specific with Hetty when I told her I needed to see Hanna.
KENSI: He's on assignment.
SNYDER: What about his wife?
DEEKS: Michelle?
SNYDER: Does he have more than one?
KENSI: I don't know. Does he?
DEEKS: I don't think so.
SNYDER: Cute. You two really think you can stall and keep me here all day?
DEEKS: I don't know. Can we?
KENSI: How are we doing so far? We're just trying to help you, Agent Snyder.
SNYDER: Officer Snyder, and you two can't help me.
[He smiles, looking at Kensi]
SNYDER: Actually, you could probably help me.
KENSI: Mm.
DEEKS: Wow. Nice.
[Snyder looks at him]
SNYDER: You don't even look like you could help yourself.
[Kensi yowls]
DEEKS: Wow. Was I just insulted?
KENSI: Sounded pretty insulting to me. Definitely condescending.
DEEKS: Almost disdainful.
KENSI: Borderline supercilious.
DEEKS: Well, I am super silly, so I guess you got me there. Point to Poindexter.
[He gets up and heads to the fridge]
DEEKS: High five. See you later.
SNYDER: You're interfering with a federal investigation.
KENSI: But we are federal investigators.
DEEKS: Wait a minute. Now I'm confused. Who's on first?
SNYDER: Keep it up, but even that garden gnome you call a boss won't be able to save your asses if you screw the pooch on this one.
KENSI: Garden gnomes...screwing of pooches...What world do you live in?
DEEKS: Hey, want to see me dislocate my wrist?
[OPS center. Nell is coming in]
ERIC: Hey. I sent Varlamov's phone records to your tablet.
NELL: Cool. Thanks. How would you describe the way we settle disagreements?
ERIC: What disagreements?
NELL: Exactly. What is your greatest fear?
ERIC: Ooh. The day the robots turn on us.
NELL: Artificial intelligence run amok.
ERIC: Nothing scarier.
NELL: Agreed. All right. I already know your Hetty nightmare, so...
ERIC: Hmm.
NELL: What other job would you be doing if you couldn't be in law enforcement?
ERIC: Is this a test?
NELL: It is a partner survey.
ERIC: Are we getting graded on it?
NELL: I don't know. Professional Renfair performer.
ERIC: Oh... my lady dost knowest me well.
NELL: Um, how would you describe the way I smell? Yeah. That's weird.
ERIC: Little bit.
NELL: We're gonna skip that one.
ERIC: Okay.
NELL: What part of my body do you...? Okay.
ERIC: What?
NELL: This is a partner... partner survey...which we have no business filling out.
[She grabs her tablet…and leaves the OPS]
ERIC: Okay, I'll just keep...
[Nell is walking in the hallway]
NELL: Hey, Callen. So, no sign of Greshnev or his boss, Sidorov, entering the country. And Eric's still weeding through IP addresses logged onto the chess cam.
[G is on phone inside the Challenger, waiting for Sam]
NELL: [Over phone] We did, however, get access to Varlamov's recent phone records.
CALLEN: Anything stand out?
NELL: [Over phone] One new number popped up two days ago;
[NCIS office.]
NELL: looks like a burn phone. I'm still trying to find out where it was purchased.
CALLEN: [Over phone] Let me know when you do.
NELL: How's everything with Sam's wife?
[In the car]
CALLEN: Just a little domestic misunderstanding. I'll touch base when we have a plan.
[Sam is back behind the wheel]
SAM: Thanks for having my back in there, partner.
CALLEN: I will take a bullet for you, but wives are a whole other thing.
SAM: I'll remember that.
CALLEN: I don't have a wife, so...
SAM: You should stop talking.
CALLEN: So, I'm not speaking from experience.
SAM: So you should really stop talking. But you won't.
CALLEN: Greshnev doesn't know where you live. He knows you as David Forman, he knows Michelle as Quinn.
SAM: He did. What if Greshnev didn't just get here? What if he never left? We assume he split the country with Sidorov, but maybe he stayed behind to make sure Michelle killed Kirkin. If he's been here the whole time, he could have made her by now.
CALLEN: It's possible, but...
SAM: But what? If he was here, he had a whole four months to watch Michelle.
CALLEN: She's careful. She's a pro.
SAM: We all make mistakes.
CALLEN: If Greshnev's been here all this time, why did he wait till now to kill Varlamov? He could have whacked him a long time ago, right?
[A car stops in front of the Hannas’house- and the man getting out is Roger McAdams, the guy they busted for Bulton’s murder in 3x12!]
SAM: We arrested that guy for murder.
[He’s walking towards the garden – the agents follow him – and spot Michelle giving him a hug.]
SAM: Oh, hell, no!
[He starts running towards them]
MICHELLE: Sam, no!
[But Sam has already crashed the guy onto the ground!]
MICHELLE: Oh! Sam!
CALLEN: Sam!
[Sam is trying to strangle him]
MICHELLE: Stop! He's one of us!
[Sam stands up]
SAM: Who the hell are you?
SABATINO: Officer Sabatino.
MICHELLE: We used to work together. He's with the Agency.
CALLEN: You're CIA?!
-------------------- ZAPPING -------------------
[Boatshed.]
DEEKS: Just out of curiosity: What if I wanted to join the CIA?
KENSI: Oh, you'd be a good spy. He's very sneaky.
DEEKS: I prefer stealthy.
KENSI: Okay, he's very stealthy.
DEEKS: Also, I'm a master of disguise.
KENSI: Oh, you should see his Margaret Thatcher impersonation. Uncanny.
DEEKS: Uncanny. Huh? Margaret Thatcher on a cold day? Who's gonna see that coming?
[Kensi scoffs]
KENSI: Not me.
[She takes a high-pitched, British accent]
KENSI: Hello. It's Maggie. And then, bam!
DEEKS: Bam! Except for that sounded a little bit like the queen.
KENSI: What? Hello.
DEEKS: Hello.
KENSI: Hello.
DEEKS: Hello. Have you seen my corgis? They've run amok.
SNYDER: You're both quite comical. But you know what's really amusing? You two think, by stalling me, that you're keeping me here, when, in reality, I'm keeping the two of you here.
DEEKS: What? You see that? He did the double reverse on us.
KENSI: No. You're good. He's good.
DEEKS: See, that's what I'm talking about. Central Intelligence training. Teach me that.
KENSI: Oh, me, too. And if we both join together, can we get a signing bonus? Or a... a set of, uh, commemorative plates?
[The front door opens and closes…Sabatino comes in with G.]
DEEKS: What is he doing here?
CALLEN: I found Snyder's name on his collar.
KENSI: Wait. He works for you?
SABATINO: Vostanik Sabatino.
[He wants to shake Deeks’hand- Marty doesn’t agree]
SABATINO: Sorry I couldn't identify myself the last time our paths crossed.
DEEKS: You're a spook?
KENSI: He killed someone. What was his name?
CALLEN: Brent Bolton.
SABATINO: I didn't kill him. I was working his wife Mia as an asset when her husband came at me with a gun. He tripped, fell on some stairs, the gun went off, and Bolton shot himself. End of story.
KENSI: And now she's a widow, and he's dead. And you want us to work with Mr. Sympathy?
CALLEN: I don't. Granger does.
[The OPS pops up on screen]
ERIC: Hey, guys? A computer at an LA public library logged onto the chess park cam ten minutes before Varlamov showed up. Whoever it was logged off right after he was killed. I'm guessing it's not a coincidence.
CALLEN: Nice work. We'll check it out.
KENSI: Where is Sam?
CALLEN: He's going back undercover as David Forman, as his wife Michelle goes under as Quinn.
SNYDER: Has Sidorov tried to contact her?
CALLEN: Not yet, but if Greshnev's back, Sidorov won't be far behind, which means it's only a matter of time.
SNYDER: And when he does, we need to be there. And preferably, without Sonny and Cher here?
DEEKS: Yeah…
CALLEN: That's not gonna happen.
DEEKS: I got you, babe.
[Sam and Michelle- I mean Quinn- are in a car parked near their cover home]
QUINN: You know I was doing this before you were.
SAM: And you've been out of it for a while. And when we decided to have a family, we agreed...
QUINN: What, that I'd give up my life? You knew I'd go back to work eventually.
SAM: Not for Isaak Sidorov.
QUINN: Why?
SAM: Why do you think?
QUINN: Because it's too dangerous? Are you kid...? What do you think I go through every day you go out that door?
SAM: I know. I know. I know. I'm sorry. Sorry. I can't help it.
QUINN: And if it's not Sidorov, it's going to be someone else just like him, or worse. This is what I do, Sam. It's what we do for our country, for our daughter, for each other. I'm glad we're doing it together. Hell, most couples are lucky if they get a date night once a week.
SAM: I like date night. What's wrong with date night? At least no one's trying to kill us on date night.
[She laughs]
QUINN: Well, no one recovered stolen nukes on date night, either. Come on.
[She kisses his cheek]
QUINN: Let's go get some bad guys.
[In the cover house]
SAM: There is one up side to all of this.
QUINN: What's that?
SAM: We're on our own for a few days.
QUINN: We got work to do.
SAM: Oh, no, no, no, no. I was in prison, remember?
QUINN: Mm.
GRESHNEV: Perhaps you should go back.
[He’s on their couch!]
QUINN: When did you get back?
GRESHNEV: Who said I left?
QUINN: Where's Sidorov?
GRESHNEV: Where have you been?
SAM: We were taking care of something in San Diego.
GRESHNEV: Why is he talking?
QUINN: He's with me.
SAM: Why am I talking? You're in my crib.
GRESHNEV: I'm guessing he's the reason Kirkin is still alive.
QUINN: I haven't had the opportunity. Kirkin's paranoid, he's got more security than ever. He seldom goes out now.
GRESHNEV: You have 24 hours to kill Kirkin.
QUINN: Impossible. You tell Sidorov he can take his money and find someone else.
GRESHNEV: He hired you. You have contract. Not to honor it would be an insult and a mistake.
[He leaves the house. Sam checks the street; he calls the OPS]
ERIC: [Over phone] Yep?
SAM: Eric, Greshnev just left the cover house. Keep him in your sights.
ERIC: [Over phone] Will do.
[Sam heads towards the door]
QUINN: Where are you going?
SAM: To follow him.
QUINN: What if he makes you?
SAM: He won't. But if he does, so what? He'll just think I'm the jealous boyfriend.
QUINN: He'd be half right…
[LA public library]
KENSI: I copied the hard drive, but I doubt we'll find anything good.
SABATINO: The librarian said she'd burn us a copy of the surveillance tapes from this morning. Should only take a few minutes.
KENSI: Oh, great.
SABATINO: Yeah. Cop or soldier?
KENSI: Excuse me?
SABATINO: Your father. Was he, uh, law enforcement or military?
KENSI: Why?
SABATINO: Ah, well, it's just that you, um... you carry yourself with a real confidence and authority.
KENSI: Are you hitting on me?
SABATINO: No! Well, maybe a little. Don't worry, I'm harmless. In this business? With our lives? Hell, I can't even keep a plant alive, let alone a relationship. Plus, I, uh...I wouldn't want to step into the middle of something.
KENSI: Something?
SABATINO: Yeah. Between you and your partner.
KENSI: Between me and my...
[She laughs]
KENSI: There is nothing going on between me and, um...
SABATINO: Deeks?
KENSI: Yeah. No. No, no, no, no, no, we are not a good match. We wouldn't... we...we're barely good partners.
SABATINO: That's good. For him. Both of you, really.
[Snyder’s car – the CIA officer and Deeks are waiting outside of the library]
DEEKS: Does CIA have mind-control machines?
SNYDER: I wish.
DEEKS: Who shot JFK?
SNYDER: Lee Harvey Oswald.
DEEKS: Who else?
[Snyder grumbles]
DEEKS: You don't even know, do you? Are there aliens in Area 51?
SNYDER: No.
DEEKS: What? You're smiling. That's a tell. That means there's aliens in Area 51. I knew it.
SNYDER: I'm smiling out of the irony that while I'm sitting here, stuck, listening to your incessant babble...
DEEKS: Why, thank you.
SNYDER:...my partner is up there hitting on your smoking hot partner.
DEEKS: Yeah, well, doesn't really matter, he can hit on her all he wants. The fact of the matter is that she is a stone cold fox. Emphasis on "stone cold."
SNYDER: Ah. Well, just be happy that she's your partner...and not your girlfriend.
[At the library]
SABATINO: If you were my partner, I'd end up falling for you. Hard. Then what would I do? Good partners are hard to find. I need someone I can trust to have my back. I wouldn't want to lose that.
On the other hand, you'd also be the person I cared about more than anyone else in the world. And I'd never want to see you in jeopardy. So you couldn't possibly be my partner. It's a dilemma.
KENSI: Right, um...
[She steps backwards]
KENSI: Well, I think... I think it's stupid, personally...Ooh.
[She’s just bumped into Deeks]
DEEKS: Excuse me.
KENSI: What?
DEEKS: Uh...Sam is following Greshnev, and Eric is going to talk us in, so I thought I should...
KENSI: You had to come in here to tell me that? You couldn't just text me?
DEEKS: Yeah, no, I definitely--I could have texted you, it just seemed kind of impersonal. I though maybe we should ride together, since we know the streets.
KENSI: All the more reason for you to ride with Snyder. We will follow you.
DEEKS: Right.
KENSI: Go.
DEEKS: Yeah, all right.
[He whispers to Sabatino]
DEEKS: Like the tie. Sweatshirt.
[He leaves them]
KENSI: Case in point.
[Sam is driving]
SAM: You still on him, Eric?
ERIC: [Over com.] Yup. He's about a block and a half east of you.
[OPS center.]
ERIC: He's actually a very courteous and cautious driver, for a bad guy.
[Sam hears a police car siren wailing: they’re asking him to stop]
SAM: Are you kidding me?
[He sighs]
SAM: Eric, stick with Greshnev. I'm being pulled over.
[Actually 2 police cars are on him when he stops]
ERIC: [Over com] I'm on it.
[Policemen and woman have pulled out their guns]
OFFICER: Out of the car! Now!
SAM: What?
OFFICER: Let's go! Hands where I can see them! Hands on your head.
[He cuffs Sam while his car is searched]
OFFICER: Got a gun.
[A car stops a little further; driver and passenger watch the scene]
OFFICER: Got another gun.
SAM: Got concealed carry permits for both of those.
OFFICER2: You got one for this too?
[She shows the bloody ice pick…the car runs slowly away: Greshnev and Sidorov widely grinning…]
-------------------- ZAPPING -------------------
[LAPD station. Sam is in a cell]
OFFICER: David Forman?
SAM: Yeah?
OFFICER: Your lawyer's here.
SAM: It's about time he showed up.
HETTY: Hello, Sam.
[He’s surprised – the officer walks away]
SAM: What are you doing here?
HETTY: I should ask you the same question. The police found Varlamov's murder weapon and his severed finger in your car.
SAM: Yeah, Greshnev had me framed to get me out of the way.
HETTY: Looks like he's done an admirable job. Damn lucky he didn't kill you.
SAM: He wouldn't risk Quinn refusing to kill Kirkin, or being too distraught for the job. Having me arrested gets me out of the way. Quinn's used to me being in jail. Where's Callen?
HETTY: I couldn't ask him to come.
SAM: Why not?
HETTY: I didn't want to damage your partnership with any ill feelings.
SAM: Why would I have ill feelings?
HETTY: Because I'm not bailing you out.
SAM: What?
HETTY: We can't risk tipping off Sidorov.
SAM: Hetty...
HETTY: I'm sorry, Sam. You're safer in here.
SAM: I need to be with Michelle.
HETTY: You have my word that we will do everything we can to protect her.
[And she leaves him]
SAM: Hetty...
GUARD: Open the gate.
SAM: come back here. [Loudly] Come back!
[The door shuts: she’s gone…]
[NCIS office. Callen is facing Hetty at her desk]
CALLEN: You what?!
HETTY: It was in everyone's best interest.
CALLEN: Clearly not Sam's. What if something happens to Michelle?
HETTY: See that it doesn't.
CALLEN: If this is part of one of your master plans, now would be a really good time to let me in on it.
HETTY: No, I don't have a plan.
CALLEN: You have no plan. Perfect.
HETTY: But I have every confidence that you and your team will come up with one.
CALLEN: Sam is part of that team.
HETTY: Not today. Adjust and adapt, Mr. Callen. After all, that is the key to our survival.
[Boatshed. Kensi and Deeks are in the observation room- Snyder and Sabatino in the interrogation room. CIA and NCIS duos are taking stock separately]
DEEKS: Well, we're obviously missing something.
KENSI: What does Sidorov want?
DEEKS: He wants Quinn to kill his rival, Kirkin, so he can come back and sell the nukes that he stole.
KENSI: That's it.
DEEKS: I mean, the broad strokes, yeah, that's it.
KENSI: No, that's how we get Sidorov and Greshnev.
DEEKS: Okay, this is gonna be hard to believe, but I'm not exactly following the Kensi logic train. Apparently, it doesn't make stops in my neighborhood.
[Snyder and Sidorov are coming back]
KENSI: We have a plan.
DEEKS: We do?
SNYDER: Well, let's hear it.
KENSI: We kill Kirkin.
SABATINO: That's out of the box.
KENSI: But we don't really kill him. We make Sidorov and Greshnev believe Quinn did. They'll come out of hiding to pay her off, and when they do, we track them back to the stolen nukes.
SNYDER: And what makes you think that Kirkin's gonna cooperate with us? I mean, the guy is a career criminal.
DEEKS: But he's also a businessman, and Sidorov is a rival, which we eliminate by arresting him. That's good.
SABATINO: It could work.
KENSI: I'll run it by Callen.
[She pulls out her cell phone]
DEEKS: Problem is that Sidorov only gave Quinn 24 hours to make the hit, which means it's got to go down today. What do we know about getting to Kirkin?
SABATINO: He travels with a lot of protection, but he's also got a bad back from a bullet he took a few years ago. Does a good chunk of the day's business at a spa that's a favorite with Russian Mob types.
DEEKS: I've taken a bullet, why can't I work from a spa?
SNYDER: He also likes blondes.
KENSI: All right. I will wear a wig, but I will not dye my hair for this man.
SABATINO: Wouldn't help. You're not his type.
KENSI: What's his type?
[Sabatino and Snyder exchange amused look…and stare at Deeks]
DEEKS: No...Really? Come on.
[Outside the spa. Kensi is waiting in a car; Sabatino joins her]
KENSI: So?
SABATINO: Snyder's covering the back.
KENSI: Deeks, you hear me?
[Deeks is near the pool – only men, all naked – though in towels)
DEEKS: Wow.
KENSI: [Over com] Deeks, say something. Are you there? Deeks?
DEEKS: Uh... yeah, I can... hear you.
[In the car]
KENSI: What are you wearing?
[In the spa]
DEEKS: That's not funny. It's like a gulag water park in here.
[In the car]
KENSI: Oh please, how many times have I had to go undercover with a low-cut blouse and a high-cut skirt?
[Spa]
DEEKS: Both of which are more than I'm wearing right now.
[He makes room for a guy]
DEEKS: How you doing? Good to see you.
[Kensi chuckles over com]
KENSI: Oh, really?
DEEKS: Hi... that's-- no. Uh-huh. Again, not funny. I'm serious. I'm pretty sure a naked Viggo Mortensen's going to jump out any second and start pummeling me.
[Car]
SABATINO: Any sign of Kirkin?
[Deeks spots him in the water – on phone]
DEEKS: Yeah, he's, uh, surrounded by a ton of tattooed meat.
[Car]
KENSI: Excuse me?
DEEKS: [Over com] That was a poor choice of words.
[Spa]
DEEKS: All right, this is happening.
[His towel is dropped down…He gets into the water]
DEEKS: Aah! Oh, that's hot!
[Car]
KENSI: You better be talking about the water and not the scenery.
[Spa]
[One of Kirkin’s guys walks towards Deeks in the water, while another (armed and dressed on the poolside) stands up]
DEEKS: How you doing? Like your tattoos. I mean, I don't...
DEEKS: I don't mean, like, I like like your tattoos, I just mean that I appreciate their artistic merit, because I, myself, was thinking about getting a tattoo, you know like a... like a unicorn, except for, like, a really bad-ass unicorn that's like breathing fire and he's got nunchuks and stuff. I just thought that would be a good... idea. Okay, I'm just gonna...
[He wants to steps forwards, the guy blocks his way]
DEEKS: go... wow. So, invitation only? Yeah? I just-- I have a proposition for your boss. Not much of a talker, are you? That's probably why Communism failed. Yo, uh...
[He clears his throat; Kirkin is still speaking on phone in Russian]
DEEKS: Mr. Kirkin?
[Man stares at him]
DEEKS: How are you? Hey.
[Kirkin puts his phone onto the edge and steps forwards- he nods to his guy]
DEEKS: Oh, he said it's okay. I'm gonna go around.
[He clears his throat again; the bodyguard walks on his heels]
DEEKS: Whoa, back it up there, comrade, the last thing you want is any accidental underwater contact, so just give me, like...
[He gives a measurement with his hands]
DEEKS: Maybe more.
[A 2nd bodyguard blocks his way]
DEEKS: All right, all right, all right.
KIRKIN: Who are you?
DEEKS: Detective Marty Deeks, LAPD, but I'm currently working for NCIS.
KIRKIN: You're a little out of your neighborhood, right?
DEEKS: Not to mention my comfort zone.
[He’s obviously to the Russian’s taste...]
KIRKIN: What do you want?
[Deeks chuckles]
DEEKS: Well, this is gonna sound funny, but we actually want to kill you. Just let me explain...
[He gasps: the 2 bodyguards push him under water…]
[Car]
KENSI: Deeks? Deeks, can you hear me?
[Spa. The guys let Deeks breathe some air…]
DEEKS: Marco?
[Before pushing him again under water…]
-------------------- ZAPPING -------------------
[Worried, Kensi and Sabatino hurry out of the car]
KENSI: Deeks? Deeks?
[She hears only interference]
KENSI: I'm not waiting any longer. Tell center I'm going in.
[But at that right moment the door opens: Deeks is leaving the spa!]
KENSI: What the hell happened in there.
DEEKS: Kirkin didn't do it.
SABATINO: Good job.
DEEKS: Thank you.
KENSI: I was trying to call you. Are you okay?
DEEKS: You know I just feel really dirty. I think maybe, I just need a hug. A little snuggle session.
[He snuggles beside Kensi – and winks at Sabatino]
KENSI: What ya...
DEEKS: Aw.
KENSI: Ew. You're like a wet dog.
DEEKS: Cause I had to change really quickly. Don't have time to dry for my own safety.
[He grunts and shakes]
KENSI: Funny. I'll tell Callen to prep Michelle.
[Deeks rubs his eyes]
DEEKS: Ouch. Is anybody else itchy?
[Boatshed. G shows a gun box to Michelle.]
CALLEN: I loaded it myself.
[She takes the weapon, checks it, checks the magazine, puts it into the gun]
CALLEN: Any questions?
MICHELLE: Where's Sam?
CALLEN: In a safe place.
[LAPD station]
SAM: Yo, I want my phone call, man. This is forcible confinement.
[The officer comes closer]
OFFICER: You already saw your lawyer.
SAM: That wasn't my lawyer, man. I get to speak to an attorney. You violate my Sixth Amendment rights, they throw my arrest out quicker than you can beat an innocent suspect.
[The officer sighs]
OFFICER: Put your hands out.
SAM: Thanks, man.
[The handcuffs click, the officer sighs again and opens the door]
OFFICER: All right, let's go. You got one call.
SAM: Mm-hmm.
OFFICER: Make it quick.
[But Sam pushes him hard backwards…]
[In the bar of a hotel. One of his men is speaking in Russian to Kirkin – they glare at ladies laughing loudly at a table behind. The waiter is…Deeks]
DEEKS: Can I, uh, get you anything else, sir?
KIRKIN: Mm.
[Deeks moves forwards]
DEEKS: Wow! Sorry that I asked.
[Kensi is at the bar]
KENSI: Did Kirkin just wink at you?
DEEKS: Yeah, that's his way of letting me know that he's ready.
KENSI: Uh-huh.
[Michelle is stepping in- she stops at the bar]
DEEKS: Can I get you a drink?
QUINN: Vodka soda, please.
DEEKS: Okay.
QUINN: Where's your restroom?
DEEKS: All the way down on the right.
[Quinn heads towards the restroom – pulling out her gun- she shoots Kirkin- people scream! Kensi films the scene with her phone]
KENSI: Eric, I'm sending you eyewitness footage right now.
[Quinn is already out of the hotel]
[OPS center.]
KENSI: [Over com] Make sure it gets onto the local news outlets and onto the Internet. Tell Callen Sabatino and Snyder are in position and we're a go.
ERIC: On it.
[Nell joins Hetty and Eric]
NELL: LAPD just released a BOLO for David Forman. Sam assaulted a police officer and escaped lockup.
[Hetty sighs and shakes her head]
HETTY: Good Lord…
[♫ Venice ♫ Basket ball court ♫ Quinn is walking up ♫ Snyder and Sabatino, dressed in players, watch her discreetly ♫ G is doing the same, faking being interested in sun glasses ♫ Quinn sits down ♫ Sidorov and Greshnev appear ♫ Sidorov takes place near Quinn]
SIDOROV: I see you haven't lost your touch.
[They watch on his phone footage from ZNN “Eyewitness: murder caught on camera” – Greshnev keeps a close eye around]
QUINN: Where's my money?
SIDOROV: On the plane.
QUINN: What plane?
SIDOROV: I have a charter leaving in 30 minutes.
[Quinn sighs]
QUINN: I'm not going anywhere.
SIDOROV: You shot and killed a Russian Mob boss in broad daylight. It might be best for you to get out of town for a while.
CALLEN: Greshnev's clocking you.
SIDOROV: Your boyfriend's heading back to prison. There's no reason to stay.
MICHELLE: How'd you know David got arrested?
[Greshnev leans forwards his boss –staring at the back of the CIA agents]
CALLEN: I think you've been made.
[Sidorov speaks in Russian; Greshnev grabs Quinn’s arm and takes her forwards.]
CALLEN: Take him. Take him.
[But Sidorov has pulled out a weapon: he shoots at the CIA agents and G -people scream, shout! – Snyder is hit, Sabatino checks him. G hesitates: Sidorov is running among the crowd – Greshnev and Quinn are speeding in the opposite direction – Sidorov gets rid of of a lifeguard and steals his car: engine roaring, tires screeching, he runs through beach stuff on sale on the pavement and flees away…G chases Greshnev – the guy shoots! He aims at Quinn]
GRESHNEV: You set this up.
QUINN: What are you talking about? We need to get out of here-- now.
GRESHNEV: You're not going anywhere.
[Gunshots… Quinn jumps but …is safe: she looks at Greshnev collapsing on the ground… Sam has saved her life…They hug…G checks the Russian]
CALLEN: He's dead. How the hell did you find us?
SAM: Michelle's phone. Are you okay?
MICHELLE: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
[They hug again…]
[Boatshed.]
SABATINO: [On phone] Yes, sir. No, sir. I will, uh, pass on your condolences.
KENSI: Was that Granger?
SABATINO: Yeah.
KENSI: Did Snyder have a family?
SABATINO: Uh, divorced. No kids. Goes with the territory, I guess. Any, uh, sign of Sidorov?
DEEKS: Nothing yet, but we'll find him. Losing Greshnev is gonna hurt, and he's still got three stolen nukes he's got to sell.
SABATINO: Let's hope we find him before he finds a buyer.
KENSI: We have every law enforcement agency in the state looking for him, so...
SABATINO: Yeah. All right. Well, I...I better get going. I'm being called back to Washington to head up a new task force with the sole purpose of hunting down Sidorov and the missing nukes. Hopefully we can grab a celebratory drink when this is over.
[Kensi chuckles]
KENSI: Sure.
DEEKS: Sounds great.
[The CIA agent shake Deeks’hand, then Kensi’s. She puts her 2nd hand on his]
KENSI: Thanks.
[The door closes in Sabatino’s back]
KENSI: Promise me you'll never do that.
DEEKS: What's that?
KENSI: Get yourself killed.
DEEKS: Well, the good news for you is I have a natural aversion to death, so...
KENSI: I'm not kidding.
DEEKS: Okay.
[Kensi is on the verge of tears…]
KENSI: Okay.
DEEKS: But if I am killed in the line of duty, you do me a favor?
KENSI: Yeah?
DEEKS: Cryogenically freeze me and put me in your living room?
[Kensi laughs]
KENSI: What on earth would I do with your dead frozen body in my living room?
DEEKS: You're right. I guess the bedroom's much more intimate.
[she groans and turns her back at him]
DEEKS: What? I'm gonna be in suspended animation--you wouldn't have to feed me. It's way better than an aquarium.
KENSI: Good night.
[She’s smiling. He stares at the door]
DEEKS: [Loudly] You smell like sunshine!
[Whispering for himself]
DEEKS: And gunpowder. Two of my favorite things…
[♫ He’s hit by his own words…♫]
[NCIS office. Sam and G are back together]
CALLEN: If he's smart, Sidorov will try and get back out of the country.
SAM: Greed trumps common sense every time. If he has a buyer for those nukes, he's not going anywhere.
CALLEN: Well, he may have just made this easier for us.
[Hetty clears her throat – Sam gets it – Callen taps his shoulder and steps away, waving at his partner]
SAM: Really? Again?
[To Hetty]
SAM: Am I grounded?
HETTY: Don't you dare take this lightly, Sam Hanna. You didn't trust me.
SAM: You didn't trust me either. Otherwise, you wouldn't have left me locked up.
HETTY: It was for your own safety.
SAM: I wasn't worried about my safety.
HETTY: But I was.
SAM: I was trying to protect my wife.
HETTY: And I was trying to protect all of us. Now I have to try and explain how Sidorov escaped and why our only other lead is dead.
SAM: What do you want me to say, Hetty? I'm sorry?
HETTY: I don't want you to say anything, Sam. I want you to go home. Spend some time with your family while you can.
[Screen becomes dark]
HETTY: This is far from over.
-------------------- THE END ----------------------
